Women Cheat Because Men Do Everything Wrong?


women infidelity
Not buyin' it, St. Slutty.
How is anyone supposed to have a healthy relationship when we have this idiotic, self-serving bias that makes women out to be saints and men to be losers no matter what they do -- even if they cheat?

I need to tell the media at large that, like the Hulk, you shouldn’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. And I just read something that makes me very, very angry.

An article on Why Women Cheat is just one more version of the tired old trope: When men cheat, it’s because they do everything wrong. And when women cheat ... it’s because men do everything wrong.

Oh, and by the way? I call BS. Everybody likes sex. Everybody feels emotionally isolated sometimes. We cheat for all sorts of reasons, good and bad. But some kind of innate gender-based approach to sex is not one of them.

The experts cited to support this well-loved but full-of-holes theory say things like, “[Women] are on a sinking ship and use [an affair] as a life raft because they don’t want to just jump into the cold water!” Oh, noble, noble women -- it’s not that you’re just as irresponsible as your male counterparts! It’s that you’re looking to make sure your children are cared for after you leave your marriage, because evolution told you so!

The trouble is, there’s no backup for this kind of claim. The new book Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality picks apart claims like this -- the well-worn tropes of “man dirty, woman prude” that fly in the face of everything we know about our parents, friends, and selves.

Here’s the positive spin: If we can be understanding that a woman cheating on her husband can be a “cry for help,” calling out the problems in the marriage, then we can do the same for men. Maybe he’s just an asshole or a “sex addict,” whatever the hell that is. Or maybe people are more complex than that, and there might be myriad reasons for an affair, from conflicting sexual desires to relationship issues that leave one party feeling unheard, to a desire for an escape hatch that they’re too scared to seek openly.

Bottom line is -- one huge wrong doesn’t make the other person 100 percent right. And you don’t get to hold up your uterus as some magical beacon of goodness. Because that’s as shitty, reductive, and sexist as everything else we feminists have been fighting. A’ight? Rant over.

Do you think there are gender-difference explanations for why we cheat? Is it easier for you to excuse a woman than a man? Tell us in the comments!

breakups, divorce, love, marriage, sex, sex secret, sexuality


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RanaA... RanaAurora


I think men get shafted (no pun intended) in so many areas this being one of them.  People are such damned hypocrites.  I'm glad to see an article that remembers that men are people with feelings too, and women can also be total scumbags.

nonmember avatar Oligonicella

"And you don’t get to hold up your uterus as some magical beacon of goodness."

What a wonder line.

nonmember avatar Jason

You should check out Nick Wade's book "Before the Dawn."  It has a section on female infidelity in evolutionary history, which is very easy to track genetically as male offspring inherit their Y chromosome from their fathers unchanged —like a last name.  If a "son" does not have the same Y chromosome as his "father," the inference is apparent.  Wade looks at typical family trees that show a wide divergence in Y chromosomes from a family of males all supposedly descended from a single great-grandfather.  Such a wide divergence implies lots of shenanigans.

Studies like this are interesting in that they prove that female infidelity is nothing new, but was very common even centuries ago.

nonmember avatar grayswindir

Men and women cheat for the same reasons. Or don't for the same reasons. You did leave out things like depression which women tend to get more than men. Common for folks with depression seeking out thrills to make themselves feel something.  My wife moved out after ~20yrs of marriage than had an ex-fiancee move in with her (completely alienated her from the kids). It's been 6 months and I still haven't cheated on her since our divorce isn't final. I don't know whether that's noble, foolish or simply a lack of opportunity since I have full custody of the kids.  

nonmember avatar DADvocate

Another thank you. As RanaAurora says, it's nice to see an article that remembers men have feelings too. It's ironic that many complain that men don't express/show their feelings while choosing to ignore those feelings when convenient.

nonmember avatar Redguy

After a 25 year marriage, I divorced 3 years ago. 

When I meet a woman for the first time, I am always surprised that they have no hesitation is asking "why did you get divorced?", as if it was their business.

I've also learned that there is no need for me to ask them the same question.  I know why she got divorced . . . it was her husband's fault.  It always is.   

nonmember avatar Seerak

Because that’s as shitty, reductive, and sexist as everything else we feminists have been fighting.

"We feminists"?  Have you been paying attention?  Feminism has been co-opted out from under you by the Left, just like the rest of what used to be liberalism.  What passes for feminism these days is the likely *source* of this kind of thing.

Don't get me wrong; I agree with you , so long as what we are discussing is the genuine, liberal feminism that sought to establish women as individuals alongside men.  But the Leftist corruption thereof is no such thing; rather than affirm female individualism, Leftist "feminism" seeks to devalue the individualism of men, leaving both genders collectivized.

nonmember avatar DerHahn

I'm divorced and since then I've been 'the other man' a number of times.  Don't ask me why, I can't explain it either.  All I have to say is that women cheat for the same reason as men, they are given the opportunity.  Their justifications for doing it may be different.

nonmember avatar Wisconsin

That men and women cheat for different reasons is plausible. One reason men cheat is that they want out  of a relationship, and know that they only way they could do that is to be caught cheating. Piss her off, and then avoid the breakup conversation. Men cheat for pride, for pure lust, for a variety of reasons. One of those might be failing to confront their partner and demand co-operation in making the relationship better. However, women need to own up to why they cheat, and blaming it on the man isn't a good reason.

Is there such a thing as "pure lust."? Perhaps I mean "unadulterated lust" but that doesn't quite capture the idea. Maybe "from lust alone".

nonmember avatar Anon

"You don't get to hold up your uterus as a magic beacon of goodness."  What a totally awesome line.

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