7 Signs You've Given Up on Sex

Michele Zipp
7

stuffed animals on couchAre you having enough sex? If not, there is a chance it is something you are doing (or not doing) that makes you ... well, resistible. The Smoking Jacket featured an article for men called the "7 Signs That You've Given Up On Getting Laid," which included messed up teeth, a messed up car, and leaving pee pee on the toilet rim (a libido kill for me, for sure). So I thought about the not-so-attractive things us women do and even things we possess that really turn a man off.

Here's the female version -- 7 signs that we've given up on sex. If you see yourself in any of them, stop and get help now so you can start enjoying sex again.

1. The disappearance of heels from your wardrobe.

They don't call them fu*k me pumps for nothing. They hurt our feet, but they make our butts look really good and our legs appear longer, and men love them. Even if you hate heels, try an outfit on (any outfit) with a pair of sneakers, then try it on with heels. Admit it. You're sexier with the heels. I'm not saying to throw out your flats and wear heels all the time, but a once in a while, lift may mean a more frequent roll in the hay.

2. You have caveman legs.

If your razor is collecting dust, some private parts may be as well. Hairy legs are a turn-off for the majority of men and it's a sign that we've just stopped caring. I write this with two of the hairiest legs that haven't been shaved in quite some time. I also haven't had sex in a while. So it's just true.

3. You wear shapewear.

Shapewear makes you appear sexy, but there is nothing sexy about shapewear when you attempt to get naked in front of a guy and your body is sausaged into sheer nylon body hose. Wearing this has made me realize why guys hate condoms so much.

4. You have an unmaintained vayjayjay.

Some like a jungle bush, but let's remember one very important thing -- the more hair you have between your legs, the more sweat and odors accumulate in that area. They don't make perfumes or candles that have this scent, so it's definitely a mood killer.

5. Your house has wicker furniture.

There is nothing my husband hates more than wicker furniture and he's not alone. It's a Florida retirement thing (along with sea shell decor) and it's an uncomfortable and something only girls will love kind of thing. So maybe if you are attracting women it will work, but for men ... not so much.

6. There are teddy bears in your bedroom.

Unless he's a plushie or there is a vibrating toy hidden inside, then teddy bears on a bed are a sign that you are holding on to that time in high school when Tommy kissed you on your you-know-what and you're still blushing about the real word for your you-know-what.

7. You wear too much makeup.

It's odd how some of us cake on the makeup to make ourselves look more attractive, but it's not. Guys like us to look natural. And in dark lighting, a lot of makeup may get you into the bed with a guy, but when he wakes up the next morning with orange streaks from your self tanner on his sheets, black smudge from your eyeliner on his pillow, and your fake eyelashes stuck to his chest, you can forget about morning sex. 

Have any of these stopped you from having sex?

 

Image via tachyondecay/Flickr

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