Could 10 Minutes of Talk Bring You More Action at Night?

5

pillow talk
A little pillow talk can equal a lot of nookie!
We talk a lot about how important “date night” is to a marriage -- hire a sitter, get gussied up, leave the house, and (allegedly) reignite your relationship by reminding yourselves of your pre-marriage days. And it’s true! Date night is the deal. But it’s not always so easy to do, especially if you’re feeling broke like a joke and tired like a ... shmired. (Sorry. Too tired to rhyme, myself.)

But that doesn’t mean you can’t do steady maintenance on your relationship. In fact, according to relationship experts, all the sexy lingerie in the world won’t give you the intimacy boost of a simple, calm, daily conversation -- about yourselves, not the kids, your jobs, or the house.

Why don’t you ... schedule a 10-minute check-in chat?

I’m a firm believer in the magic number 10. As in minutes. When my husband moans about how hard it’ll be to get the house clean, I tell him: We don’t tackle it all at once. Ten-minute spurts when we can find them -- just the kitchen table, just the living-room floor, just the bookshelf -- will get the place looking livable without our having to schedule some horrible weekend o’ drudgery.

Turns out I’m not the only one who believes in this theory. Relationship experts say that if you make time to chit-chat every day, but banish discussion of the mundane details, you’ll shore up your marriage against the erosion of annoyance that is such a sex-killer.

Pick topics out of a hat: Who’s the weirdest dresser of your friends? Where would you go on a fantasy vacation? What do you think your secret superpower is -- finding parking spots? Predicting birth-weights? Or ask about something you know each of you is really thinking about, but not bringing up -- does anyone care about soccer now that the World Cup is over? Did your mom annoy you in that last phone call?

Both men and women have one simple wish in relationships: to be heard, noticed, appreciated, and understood. A single sympathetic pat on the back can be as sexy as a thousand smoldering gazes. Make time each day for your “us-time” chat, and see if, after a week, you don’t both feel more attracted to one another.

Do you think this would work for you? Have you tried something similar? Tell us in the comments!


Image via Jane Rahman/Flickr

marriage, romance tip, love, sex

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Julie... Julieryanevans

good advice! It's so hard to steer it away from the kids and daily life though, but important!

Lynette Lynette

will have to try this

nonmember avatar Chiropam

My husband and I commit to this, and feel that it helps our relationship build and grow stronger all the time. I think it sums it up when you said that "men and women have one simple wish in relationships: to be heard, noticed, appreciated, and understood." So to underestimate the power of this is foolish. It can be quite simple, not necessarily easy, but definitely worth the effort!!

jeann... jeannesager

I'd believe it. It's so easy to get into bed and him turn on Sports Center, me open a book. We say we're too exhausted for sex, but how many couples actually go straight to sleep when they get in bed? Bring on the nookie!

nonmember avatar Acai Max Cleans

just because its the opposite of what one thinks a man likes in bed doesn't mean it was written by a feminist. i disagree with stuff on this list too, as being rough and just getting pounded is sometimes just what i need, and foreplay can be boring and just be a longer means to reach what i want--and i do consider myself a feminist.

if i wrote this list it would say "ask her what she likes, reach compromises, try new things"...and implement blindfolds.

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