Married Crushes: Is Flirting Harmless?


I have been married for seven years now, but I still get the occasional "crush" and so does my husband.

We point out the people we think are hot to one another and laugh at how I sometimes get giddy when I talk to one of my "crushes" on the phone.

I would never act on any of these "crushes" and I know my husband feels the same way. But it is nice to flirt, to be reassured that you are still attractive (even as an old married lady) and also be assured that your husband still "has it."

I love when women get crushes on my husband and flirt with him.

This is not to say that I never get jealous, but in some ways, I think jealousy -- as long as it is not out of hand -- is a good emotion in relationships. It keeps you in check, reminds you you are lucky.

I also think crushes are nice, so long as they don't get out of hand.

Never in my life did I ever feel less sexy as when I was pregnant. Why? Because I gave up my right to flirt. Flirting is such a huge part of how I relate to the world and how I think many men and women relate in the world. It does not always have to promise anything sexual, but I always get such a charge from flirting. It makes me feel alive and attractive and I know my husband feels the same way.

Okay, so yes. Sometimes men get the wrong idea and think there is something there that isn't and then you have to clam it up and move on. It is all about the boundaries. But many men are able to differentiate between the harmless flirting/crush of a married woman and the sexual suggestions of someone who they might actually have a chance to get in bed.

Judging from some of the comments I have seen here for our more sexual posts (sexual bucket list, anyone?)  I sense a lot of people will disagree with me and have a lot of judgment.

But I will say this: flirting is harmless. It is a fun way to feel sexy and if everyone knows the deal (my husband and I are very, very open), I think it is healthy and sexy. Besides, every marriage is different and since my husband and I are still gaga, starry eyed over one another after a decade together, I am going to say we are definitely doing something right. To each his own and for my own? I will be having a crush.

Do you have "crushes" in your marriage?


Image via andronicusmax/Flickr

marriage, sexuality


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mommy... mommyheymommy

I could not disagree with you more on this topic.

molly... mollymae09

It all depends on the individual couple.

nonmember avatar Chelle

I just love you to pieces Sasha.  As always, you've put yourself out there, while at the same time, NOT demeaning anyone else's opinions. Work it!

kryst... krystel.justice

My husband and I are madly in love, but I would never risk jeapordizing our relationship for "fun." What if one of your crushes also has a crush on you? What if you are both inebriated at a party together? What if nothing happens, but your husband is made uncomfortable? Doing a cost-benefit analysis, I have to say that the potential risk is too great a price to pay for a feeling there are other ways to arouse. Your husband should make you feel sexy, not his good looking single friend.

MissF... MissForth

People just love to jump on the judgement wagon and tell you how you should feel and what should make you feel that way. What works for you is all that matters. If your relationship is that good and you're happy...then bravo honey! Keep up the good work!

nonmember avatar jules

I am married and have had a crush or two at work, but never crossed the line beyond innocent flirting. My husband and I are very much like you and your husband. I can't imagine being married for years and years and NEVER even thinking of another man. C'mon, we are all human!

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