Can Sex Be Satisfying Without Orgasm?


orgasm meterDo sex and orgasm go together like peanut butter and chocolate? There's no denying that both do taste great together (unless you are allergic to peanuts). But you could have one without the other, right? Right?

I don't think you have to have an orgasm in order for the sex to be good. Just like I think orgasms without sex are good (hello masturbation!). I love an orgasm as much any nympho, but I think there's more to sex than just la petite mort.

Sex is intimacy. Closeness. Bodies moving together. Sweat -- oh it's good when there's sweat. Sex can make you feel dominant, submissive, passionate, in love, in lust, ravenous, happy, or even make you want to cry. But it doesn't have to be punctuated with an orgasm.

In fact, if we stress so much about coming, it may be just the thing to make us not have an orgasm. Little Miss O can be illusive sometimes, can't she?

I think so many of us worry too much about the orgasm that we are actually taking the pleasure out of our rolls in the hay. And did you know that the majority of us cannot orgasm from sex alone? Yep. About 70 percent of women cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration.

I do think sex is awesome with orgasm. The build up, the release, the bliss, the cuddling as your body shudders and comes down from that natural high. No disputing the satisfying feeling of that. But for those of us who don't reach orgasm from sex, even with added stimulus like sex toys, masturbation, or direct clitoral stimulation, it can still be good sex. I'm not saying to stop trying to have an orgasm -- please do, do all you can to reach your sexual summit (sounds so mountain woman, doesn't it?). But we need to stop worrying about when we are going to orgasm in order to orgasm. 

So let's not freak out if a sex session ends for us without climax. Let's instead find bliss in the intimacy of the act. Because if we work ourselves up about it, we'll work ourselves out of that pleasure for the next time. 

Now if we could only get men to think the same way.

Do you think sex is only satisfying when you have an orgasm? Have you had good sex without the big O?


Image via bbaunach/Flickr



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CafeS... CafeSasha

Hmmm... Interesting question. I can honestly say that I have enjoyed sexual encounters that have not ended in orgasm, but in general, there better be one. It is the very rare session for me that does not end that way. I think it is more than just the superfluous cherry (or whipped cream) on top and is really the reason to engage in the act. All those other things are lovely, but it is the orgasm that seals the deal. That is just my take, though. I am sure others can enjoy sex without one, so I know that is not true for all.

RanaA... RanaAurora

Considering I've never "o"ed, obviously it's still enjoyable if I have had multiple partners and have 2 kids, right? ;)

nonmember avatar Michelle

In my relationship sex ends in orgasm for both of us 99% of the time. I realize that we are lucky cause that doesn't hold true for everyone. However, I don't think it's necessary to enjoy yourself. I've had sex without an orgasm and still felt satisfied.

Salem... SalemWitchChild

I can't imagine not ever having an "o". Yes it can be good without one. But it can't be great. And why aim for ok when you can aim for far better. ;)

nonmember avatar Eryn-Faye

I agree that sex can be satisfying without an orgasm for short periods, but over the long term sex without "completion" can contribute to low libido.   When women consistently know that sex leads to ultimate pleasure, it gives them the willingness to jump over all the hurdles (exhaustion, kids, work, etc) that can get in the way of sex.

Death... Deathlilly

I've never "O"ed either. I can citoral-ly but but thats limited to myself and vibrators too, I can't without them (and he never does it right lol). I would love to durring sex though. I think it makes it more passionate.

I think that without the "O", or at least the possibility, it takes away for the act. You don't work as hard. The only goal is to get him to finish.I think that also takes away from the creativity. In my experience clitoral-ly, different orgasims cause by different possitions FEEL different and cause a slightly different reaction in your body; that being said if there is no end-goal (other than for him) the is no TRUE urge to do things differently.

While its still enjoyable sometimes you find yourself thinking more about the grocery list then the act thats taking place.

nonmember avatar Diane

It depends sometimes just cuddling can be satisfiying for both partners but sometimes as we all age and ok some of you grils are younger than my years .  It takes longer to get there after two kids and a bad epoisotomy that  messed up some of my nerve connections it takes longer to orgasim but I always get one .... even with quicky sex .... I do like the sex bucket list but what it should say is kiss the same sex for women and for men  but not a lot of us heterosexual people could kiss the same sex... as far as  a threesome for me it better be two men that I can care for but to have two lovers at the same time and get a man to agree to that ya right ... that is pruely fantacy...not getting close to that one. and group sex well never into that one but I did kind of watch some friend of mine doing that  in a pool a long time ago.  So that counts as watching someone have sex right.   I think I have done almost a lot of thesease in my past believe it or not,  if you are dying you might try to do it all before you die .....

amazi... amazingjessi

sex can be satisfying without orgasm. i have only had a few orgasms in my life. i still enjoy sex with my husband. the times when we have reached orgasm on my part, were when we had sex at emotional times in our relationship.

we are still trying everything to find out what works for my body. my body has definitely changed after having a child, making it more difficult to reach orgasm for me. But i guess we'll have to see what happens after my second child is born, to see what changes that will bring to my body/libido.

sex does still feel good without orgasm tho!

LadyK... LadyKatya

Before having 3 kids, I had O's much more frequently.  Now it takes a lot more work, and frustratingly, he usually changes rhythm RIGHT before I peak and then I lose it.  Grrrr.  But I have to fake it because he judges his performance on whether I make it or not, and will just keep on going until I do.  Better to fake it in lieu of a real one than to fall asleep because I am bored. (yes it has happened and he was MAD).

I do occasionally achieve Os, just not as frequently.  The sex is fun with or without.

nonmember avatar Monica

I find it very frustrating to have sex without having an orgasm, especially when I am close and don't get there. However, I understand what you mean about focusing too much on the orgasm - I have to let it come naturally (no pun intended), or I get distracted and won't get there. This is why I like to have sex when I can take my time.

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