Date Night Advice: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

April Peveteaux

date night adviceWhile your ideal date night may not include a Dodgers game, your husband might be thrilled if you grabbed a couple of tickets and as many beers.

Michele Weiner-Davis, relationship expert, author of Divorce Busters and creator of a telephone marriage coaching service you can access all over the world, tells us that we need to consider our date while on date night.

While it may sound obvious, her explanation certainly made me stop and think about my own approach to my favorite night of the week. And I'm going to listen to the lady who prevents couples from falling into the date doldrums for a living.

Michele says:

I believe that couples who have the happiest and healthiest marriages do what I refer to as real giving. People tend to give to each other in the way they like to receive. That's not real giving. Here's an example: If she loves Hallmark cards and fancy wrapping with ribbon and bows, she's likely to do that on his birthday. He, on the other hand, may have little interest in sentimental cards from Hallmark and he might look at beautiful wrapping as a speed bump to enjoying his present. So, when she gives him his present, she holds her breath with delight as he opens the card and package. She is sorely disappointed when he is ho-hum about the trimmings and card. 

Real giving is when you give to your spouse what your spouse really needs and wants, whether you like it or not, whether you understand it or not, is irrelevant. You do it, because that's what real giving is about. So, for example, if you like to give your spouse pep talks when he seems down, but he prefers to work things out himself, real giving would mean that you give your spouse space to chew things over ALONE, even if you feel like rescuing him. And if this feels unnatural, that's good. Real giving often feels unnatural because you are entering your spouse's world and leaving your comfort zone. That's a good thing.

How does this apply to date night?
Go out of your comfort zone, even if it means doing an activity that may not be your favorite. If he likes golf, ask him to teach you at the driving range. If she likes theater, find a show with a topic that interests you and surprise her with tickets.

Real giving is the tie that binds on date night and every other night!

Visit Divorce Busting for updates about Michele Wiener-Davis' relationship work.


Image via kevindooley/Flickr

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