Photo from TheHappyEndingsCompany.comIt's great when birth control works to our advantage. It's horrible when the way it works is to stop us from having sex in the first place! This week, one CafeMom finds herself, for medical reasons, needing to use condoms for a few months. But she's getting objections from an important player in the scenario. What's a frisky girl to do?
Condoms: Help me out! How do I get one on my husband if he goes limp at the very sight of it? It's so frustrating, and I am trying everything!
For help, we turned to Dr. Sonia Borg, PhD, a sexologist and author of several new and upcoming books, including Oral Sex He'll Never Forget: 52 Positions and Techniques Guaranteed to Blow Your Man Away ($13.59 at Amazon). Here's what she had to say.
"There's a lot that could be going on here, including relationship issues -- depending on the reason for condoms to be the only option, he could be worried, sad, or even resentful. For a physical fix, well, go back to basics: The first state of sexual response is arousal, so try one of these two techniques:
"The Guided BJ: Basically, the man gives the woman directions -- and she can't do a thing, even if she's done it a million times before, until he tells her to. That way, he expresses exactly what he wants. The great thing about this is that even for a long-term couple, there may be surprising new information. Just the act of describing what he wants and how it feels can be very sexy -- not to mention the giving-and-taking-orders dynamic.
"Mutual Masturbation: Let him talk about what he's doing as he arouses himself. How is he touching himself? Where? How hard? What is he thinking about? How does it feel? Not only does this help him get a stronger erection in the first place, it's valuable information for the woman to use later.
"I wouldn't recommend lube inside the condom, as that's how slip-offs happen. But a drop of female arousal cream on the very sensitive head of the penis can help. And, of course, there's always a stretchy cock-ring."
Phew! Sounds like there's enough there to keep any couple interested. The most important thing might be to change the goal. Don't go into this thinking, We must have penetrative sex. If you can satisfy each other with anything-but for a few sessions, or at least let go of the idea that if you don't have penis-vagina sex, you've failed, you will take the pressure off -- and pressure, in my experience, is the biggest erection-killer of all.
What would you advise? Tell us in the comments!