Ask Dad: Why Are Men So Fascinated With Breasts?

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Flickr photo by wonderferret
Hello, friends. It's Monday, and you know what that means. Yes, armpit shaves and staff meetings, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about Ask Dad, the weekly column from the one dude with permission to be here.

This week's question:

What is it with guys and boobs? Seriously. I don't get it. Are men really that enthralled with these two pieces of female flesh? If so -- why?

Ya know, there are some things in life that just aren't meant to be understood. The duck-billed platypus. In-laws. Celery. How Charlie Sheen gets work. So trust me when I say, yes, absolutely, men are really that enthralled with those two pieces of female flesh.

No, seriously. We are. Some more than others -- or at least more obvious than others -- but we are.

As for the why, well, that's a trickier question, and one probably better answered by an anthropologist or psychologist or pathologist. There are as many theories as there are stars in the sky.

Some say the love affair begins when we breastfeed. Others say it's because we weren't breastfed. I've heard that it has to do with the fact that they're always visible but still hidden, and I've read that the attraction has to do with the fact that cleavage resembles buttocks and harks back to our caveman-mating days. (WTH?)

Who knows for sure? Not me. All I know is that every guy I know loves them, and all I can tell you are the reasons we do.

  • They're pretty.
  • They're warm.
  • They're sexy.
  • They feel good to touch.
  • They respond to touch.
  • They jiggle.
  • They're fun to play with.
  • They arouse (some of) you.
  • They make nice handles during certain activities.
  • They feed our babies.
  • They represent life and health and motherhood.
  • We don't have them.
  • No two pairs are alike.

Beyond that, well, your guess is as good as mine. My wife can spend hours in a shoe store, and I'll never understand that. But if it makes her happy, what do I care?

Some things don't need to make sense. They just are.

Aren't you glad? I am.

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