Celebrity Sex Positions: I Can Do That!

Michele Zipp

sex in progress
Flickr photo by je@n
Sometimes I feel like I'm being boring in the bedroom. If you watch too much porn (not saying that I do), it can warp the mind into thinking that every time you do the naked dance, it has to score perfect 10s as if Bruno Tonioli, Len Goodman, and Carrie Ann Inaba were judging you on creativity and technical skill.

Oh my gosh, could you imagine?

But porno flicks and watching too much Dancing With the Stars aside, I know I'm doing a good job between the sheets because my husband's happy (mostly) and ... I do it like a celebrity. Not saying I'm fancy, but I'm saying celebrities have sex just like us.

In my research of those high-profile celebrity sex tapes out there (aka stolen moments captured on film then stolen for mass consumption), we're all getting it on the same way.

  • Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee -- Playful. A hand full, yes. (Hee hee.) Loving. Nothing too out of the ordinary.
  • Paris Hilton and Rick Salomon -- Narcissistic, yes. But again, nothing new. Except for the cell phone conversation.
  • Kim Kardashian and Ray J -- Sexy, hot, but seen it all before.

Even the supposed McSteamy threesome sex tape was a total snore. (Or should I say snort?)

I'll bet Mindy McCready's XXX scenes won't shock me either.

Celebrities do it just like we do. So why does porn have to warp our minds into thinking we need to be limber and sometimes catatonic like a Barbie doll? Can't we have porn that shows real sex?

Oh. Maybe that would be boring.

What do you think? Do you ever worry that your sexual charades aren't "porn-y" enough? Do you prefer the stolen celebrity sex tapes because they're more real-life?

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