Sex Ed: Isabella Rossellini Talks Birds & Bees

Amy Keyishian

Isabella Rossellini
Photo from The Sundance Channel
Isabella Rossellini
is so freakin' awesome. The daughter of classic film star Ingrid Bergman and a star in her own right (from the haunting film Blue Velvet to her hilarious turn on 30 Rock), she was also the face of Lancome for 14 years -- and is an environmental activist who makes dirty little movies about animals mating.

You heard that right.

Ever wonder how whales, spiders, and dragonflies do it? (Oh God, with other whales, spiders, and dragonflies, not all together, you perv!) Rossellini has. A couple years ago, she wrote, produced, and starred in Green Porno, a series of two-minute films for the Sundance Channel detailing the weirdest mating rituals of the wild -- but not in a nature-documentary way. She and her team use costumes, puppets, and the amazing power of her husky voice and so-sexy expression to make flies mating downright ... erotic!

Now she's got a new series called Seduce Me. This time, it's about critter seduction rituals -- not just mating, but the relating that leads up to it. Each one opens on her face as she's approached, caressed, or ... you never know. "Is he seducing me?" she asks. "What am I a ... salmon? Cuttlefish? Garter snake?"

Trivia break: Ducks have corkscrew penises. See? I learned something!

It's hard to explain how super-hilarious and sexy it is to hear Ms. R say things like, "I can discombobulate the phallus!" So I'll let you eyeball this promo for yourself. View the movies on the Sundance Channel starting May 25 at 9:50 p.m., on Video On Demand starting May 5, or anytime on the Sundance website. Just be careful you don't creep everyone out at your next cocktail party with your retelling of the sexy mating rituals of … bedbugs?


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