Zooey Deschanel Beats Megan Fox in Lesbian Contest

Michele Zipp
3

esquire lesbian survey
Photo from Esquire
Time for a little game called If You Were a Lesbian. You know, because I have nothing better to do than fantasize about women. The kids can wait and so can my husband, who'd prefer I just have sex with him.

Esquire's Survey of American Women played this very game with almost 10,000 ladies -- 31% would go girl with Zooey Deschanel. Out of the choices given, I'd have to agree. She's pretty, but not oh-my-god-makes-me-nervous pretty, and would probably make homemade biscuits and eggs in the morning. Seems like the kind of gal who'd even text you an hour after you left saying she can still smell you on the sheets and can't wait to see you again. Yeah, Zooey's cool -- she likes cotton, and we can share clothes.

She beat some very sexy ladies ....

Megan Fox came in second with 20%. Not interested. Too bratty. Would probably pull my hair even when I told her to stop.

Beyonce and Rachel Maddow each received 15% of the vote. Beyonce is hot, but I just can't picture her knowing her way around my curves. Her curves, however, would be fun to navigate. But I'd be scared of Jay-Z -- he's such a man. Rachel, well, she would know what to do. And her glasses are hot. I bet she has nice calves.

Then there's Adriana Lima, the model who my husband lusts after and calls his "other wife." My man just forgave me for wasting time thinking about lesbian activity, by the way, because of the visual I just supplied him of me and Adriana. Pillow fight in Victoria's Secret panties.

Minka Kelly is a super cutie who'd probably be a lot of fun to pal around NYC with drinking cocktails and spilling secrets about Derek Jeter and John Mayer, but I bet she didn't get enough votes because not everyone knows who she is. That and she probably can't make biscuits as well as Zooey.

Your turn ... who would you sleep with if you were a lesbian?

And if you are gay, I'd love your thoughts on this ... along with who you'd want to sleep with if you were straight.

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