How Can I Give Oral Without Gagging?


Judy Dutton
Courtesy of Judy Dutton
We overheard a CafeMom ask a sex question that's a real tonsil-tickler – because horking is one of the top two embarrassing noises you can make during sex. (Come on, you know the other one.)

Question: How can I give my DH oral sex if my gag reflex seems to kick in as soon as he hits the back of my tongue?

I checked in again with sexpert Judy Dutton, author of How We Do It: How the Science of Sex Can Make You a Better Lover, to see what she had to say about this distasteful sitch.

Judy Dutton says: "Lots of women have this problem when performing oral sex. To avoid the gag reflex, use your hands during oral sex. Wrap your hand around the base of his penis, then use your mouth around the top of his penis. That way, you're providing that 'deep throat' sensation without having to make your mouth do all the work!

And besides, studies show that the tip of the penis contains far more nerve endings than the shaft or base.

Another tip: Make sure you're in control of the movement. Give him oral sex as he's lying down or seated and not moving too much. If he's thrusting into your mouth, odds are high he might push past your comfort zone and trigger that gag reflex."

This is great advice; you can basically use your clasped hands as a mouth-extender so you only have to use the front of your mouth on the head of his penis – no gagging necessary. It's a great idea to use spit or flavored lube to make the whole thing feel wetter and better, too.

You can also extend the whole erogenous zone, too. Rub his penis against your lips, even the softness of your cheeks for extra erotic action – not to mention a great visual for him. And pay attention to more than just his penis, too – gently handle his testicles and the sensitive skin of his inner thighs for supersexy fun.

That way, the thrusting that finishes him off takes minimal time – and minimal chance for gagging. So go on and blow

Have another sex or relationship question? Ask me in a comment below or send an email here, choosing Love & Sex as your subject. I'll work on getting an expert answer.

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Pishyah Pishyah

While brushing your teeth work on it. This way your tongue gets a great brushing and you get to work on relaxing your throat muscles.

Now, where's that dang anonymous button?

Wrtng... Wrtngfantasymom

here's another, Inhale as you go down on him. it opens your mouth, and raises the soft palate where the gag reflex is, and also lays the back of your tongue down :)

nonmember avatar victoria

Very useful, I learn more from such as great site here. My boyfriend will be more happy and me too.

madfoot madfoot

you guys are great! thanks for the ... "input!"

nonmember avatar mikeum98

I'll tell you from expereance ,, what you just told all these women,, No,, it does not feel the same sorry.

 from what i know about it , you just have to relax and take your time you will get used to it,, and that is what my ex told me and my now girl friend,,

summe... summerdawn3

i am proud to say i am great at it and can offer my own tips.first i learned from watching girls in pornos do this.second, it is easy to get the gag feeling when you think he is going to cum but you dont want to have to know how to learn the signs before he knows it himself.easy to do.most men will get extremely hard and warm in the shaft right before they are ready.deep throating does not have to be continuous, just an occasional treat during the process.being in control, using the hand at the base, even throwing in an occasional moan with enjoyment can help.move around, use your eyes, etc.have fun!and if you can perfect it-use your tongue when you deep throat him also. so idk.was bored and came across it so had to put in my thoughts.

Miori... MioriLane

Some men don't really like the hand-extension method (see above).  I think they would rather hear you gag now and then and get to see you take as much as you can than have you cop out like that.  I haven't tried it, yet, but I've also heard that lying on your back with your head hanging off the edge of the bed is a good position for avoiding triggering the gag reflex.

nonmember avatar knowitall

I think it is a mistake to rely on providing the exact right sensation to make the experience great for a man. Instead focus on creating visualals (lights on? eye contact? mirror?) and reasonably plausible sexy talk or scenario to heighten the mood seperate from a "deep throat" method. Otherwise this activity can become a real chore, lasting longer than you care to continuously piston your partner in and out in the immediate vicinity of your gag reflex.

Sean L. Wright I

1) using the hand is great especially if you do the swirl with it instead of just going up and down.

2) gagging a little makes us feel huge.

3) just remember, we appreciate the effort and will buy you jewelry much more regularly and take you out more often if you take one for the team.

Kasey Comingore

he might not like using hands?! are doing this for him right? this is your "gift" to him.  he shouldn't expect you to do something that is uncomfortable to you. i would ask my bf if he wanted me to puke on him or use my hands.  his choice. i mean, do your best, show that you like to do this for him, and he should enjoy himself .  

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