Should You Ever Fake an Orgasm?

April Peveteaux

Flickr photo by bbaunach

Today in He Said/She Said, guest experts Cole Gamble and Rachael Brownell are ready to give you the 411 on the topic: Should you ever fake an orgasm?

Creator and author of Fun With Cole, and Strollerderby blogger, Cole often makes me spit out my coffee in the morning. Rachael is the author of the poignant, funny and honest, Mommy Doesn't Drink Here Anymore: Getting Through the First Year of Sobriety. She entertains and educates at Imperfect Parent as well.


Absolutely not . . . except maybe when you should.

It really depends on where you are in your relationship. Is this the first date or are you married?
If you two are pretty new to this bedroom stuff, there’s nothing wrong with amping up your performance with a little more passionate moaning, more intense movement. After all, the wheels of early romance are greased with well-meaning deceptions. He doesn’t tell you how the alien chicks from Avatar turn him on; you don’t pee in front of him.

The key here is subtly. You don’t want to insult the guy with a scenery chewing performance. Think more Meryl Streep and less Al Pacino. Besides, who’s to say he isn’t faking it? Yes, men do fake orgasms.  
Here’s another thing to consider, endurance, specifically yours. An eager to please man may keep pounding away (sorry) until he gets some kind of confirmation he’s done good. If things are getting tedious, you’re tired, have an early meeting in the morning or god forbid, sore, you may have to give a little moan and groan so he can wave the “Mission Accomplished” banner and you both can get some rest.  
On the other hand, if you’re married or have been together for quite a while, stifle it unless you mean it. At this point you two should be comfortable enough to discuss what’s not working. Rewarding him for an unsatisfactory job will just make you resent the sex and make him feel like a joke if he figures it out.

The time has come to talk during sex. True, it’ll feel awkward at first, but trust me, he wants to learn. Nothing stokes a man in bed more than knowing what he’s doing. The whole process can be a delightful exploration. Show him where your pleasure zones are, let him know if he’s at least in the right zip code. Hell, MapQuest it for him if you must. Over time you may find the self-consciously technical argot between you two segues into the kind of juicy sex talk that pays dividends.

At least, that’s what my wife tells me. 

She Said:

I think more men should fake orgasm, especially after 35 when the day job, and the kids, and the calories result in seriously sex-interfering chubbiness. And while some women find Orson Welles hot, hot, hot; most men have trouble finding that loving feeling buried under the beer and teats; I mean treats. And anyway, who needs all the pressure?

Most men have been brow-beaten trained regarding the primacy of the female orgasm, and most modern straight men, if they want to get laid, know their way around their partner's sweet honey after awhile. Besides, serial monogamy and high rates of divorce make partner-switching so common; bad lovers simply aren't allowed in the same way they might have been in prior generations.

Even so, I would argue that women should still fake orgasm occasionally, if only to expedite an evening of romance, get to the dinner dishes sooner, or relieve her partner's sciatic pressure from his avid oral adoration.

Also? It can be fun! One only has to watch Gas, Food, and Lodging to appreciate the true artistry that is the faked climax. Personally, I think we need far less time with all the emotional "I hear you saying . . ." chow-chow, and more time pretending to O. Let's face it. We're busy. We're tired. We don't have time to accommodate all the tantra and pausing and gazing that the mags tell us are required. And honestly, is there anything as weird as long drawn out eye contact with someone who knows you chew with your mouth full?

So yes, yes, yes to faking! Men faking! Women faking! Less honesty! Who's in?

For more searingly genius answers to all of life's problems head over to Cole and Rachael's blogs.
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