Sex Addiction: The New Excuse for Cheating


jesse james
Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

Jesse James. Tiger Woods. Cheating hearts. Rumors of sex addiction. Even my beloved David Duchovny did a stint in sex rehab.

They all could have said the following to their wives:

Oh hi honey. Yeah, don't worry about the girls I did the nakey with. You see, I'm addicted to sex, so it's not my fault. I ONLY love you.

Plenty of people mess up and cheat. It happens. It sucks and it's lame, but it happens. Sometimes a relationship can recover, sometimes not. But has sex addition become the new excuse for cheating?

And what the heck is sex addition?

According to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), sex addition is an incurable illness. This addiction can take on many forms including a "compulsive need for sex, extreme dependency on one or many people, or a chronic preoccupation with romance, intrigue, or fantasy. An obsessive compulsive pattern, either sexual or emotional, or both, exists in which relationships or sexual activities have become increasingly destructive to career, family, and sense of self-respect."

Hmm ... I might have even dabbled in sex addition myself. But I do know sex addicts. And knowing these people means I know excuse after excuse after excuse.

I hate excuses. I don't even like it when someone has to cancel plans with me and they have three reasons why -- I have a headache and a have to work late and I have to be home tonight since my landlord was coming to fix the blah blah blah. Just tell me you can't make it. I'm fine with that.

If my husband ever cheated and said it was because of his sex addiction I would call him an a-hole for not being able to control himself. And then I would unleash a wrath I didn't even realize I was capable of. (I'm a Scorpio. It is what it is.)

Jesse. Tiger. What were they thinking? How could they believe they wouldn't get caught? Did they not think about consequence? And both have reportedly cheated more than once. Years of cheating! If it happened one time (ONE time!) and they owned up to their mistake, maybe they could be forgiven. MAYBE. But we're talking numerous times, with many women, over a span of time. Spanning time!

Ultimately it is a choice right? You can choose to indulge in your addiction or you can choose to keep your pants on and get help before your dirty secrets are exposed to the world. 

Think about it: If Jesse owned up to his infidelities to Sandra Bullock (or in Tiger's case, his transgressions) without being forced to tell her because the story was leaked, I think they would have a better chance of working it out and staying together. That's why the David Duchovny sex addition story was a lot quieter -- there wasn't woman after woman coming forward with sexy text message proof of their raunchy romps. It was tidy. Duchovny claimed the sex addict status and did a stint in rehab. Now he and Tea Leoni seem as happy as ever.

But Tiger and Jesse were caught. Whispers of sex addiction came after. And it's sad, pathetic really, that sex addiction has become an excuse for cheating over and over and over again.

What do you think? Does sex addiction let cheaters off the hook too easily?



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nonmember avatar Aaron

*Stands up and claps*
As a fellow Scorpio, I really couldn't agree with you more. It's like a vegan claiming they have a meat addiction after being caught with 100 receipts to BK for whoppers. Sure.

ethan... ethans_momma06

I agree. And excuse is an excuse, period. It is really... telling that the 'Sex Addict Sex Addict!!!' came AFTER the entire story came out. You would think that if you were living with someone for years- that them having a sexual addiction would become more apparent at some point. It is also intresting to note (IMO) that it isn't really SEX addiction (you know, where Sandra Bullock can't work because her SO has her ankles behind her head), but rather a multiple partner addiction.

It is your CHOICE to indulge your addiction. Choice. You can struggle with it but at some point you have to acknowledge it and confront it. Sleeping around with multiple partners while leaving one in the dark is never excusable.

jeann... jeannesager

Wanda Sykes said on her show the other day, rich people/celebrities have sex addictions. The rest of us just like to f---.

shado... shadowbelief

give us all a big break here do we all look stupid Its as if a NEW politically correct meaning for spousal abuse has surfaced its called Sex addiction ( ROLLS EYES)

AlohaNyc AlohaNyc

it is definitely an excuse for cheating

nagyo... nagyordog

I am a celibate sex addict, a side affect from marriage.

nonmember avatar wendy

Yes it gets the off way to easy. My husband has used it for the last 3 years. So I tried to work with him. And nope its to the point were the is no fixing me. There is no way I can ever trust another person or even bring myself back to the person I once was. We r now separated and I don't know if I can ever trust him again even if he stops.

nonmember avatar Lee

I too have felt an overwhelming pull to have sex and more sex, fling after fling.  But I left too much wreckage in my wake and so my only solution now is to remain single AND celibate.  Friendships...yes.!  It has actually been liberating.  I'm in my mid-forties, in pretty fair condition, with a great job, kinda in the prime of my life....and a lot of women simply don't understand my position.  They think I'm gay.  However, once I made the decision to shut the door on sexuality, life truly has become more clear.  I am more free now than I ever was.  I can be friends with a woman and have no ulterior motive.  I do admit that sexual tension can add zing to a person's life, and I have lost that, but I have gained so much more by simply deciding that I have more interesting things in life to do than to deal with the exhausting drama of betrayal and addiction. 

nonmember avatar David

As unreal as it seems, this is a bad problem. I suffer from sex addiction, and yes I have cheated on my gf and the time I did, I picked up HPV. I don't use my addiction as an excuse. My actions are my own, and I admitted everything to my family and her, which was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It's hard to know what triggers it with some people. A porn addiction plagued by birth grandpa and my birth dad. I was sexually abused when I was 8 years old. I was bullied relentlessly when I was in middle school. This all played into mine, but still it is not an excuse and 't forgive what I did to my gf. A sex addiction isn't just sex. It is compulsive sexual behavior, that progresses over time. Sex addicts (myself anyway) don't like sex. I hate it. I hate the control it has over me, and the shame, guilt and pain I associate with it. I am 22, and have struggled with this for 10 years. Some people will use it as an excuse, my stance is our actions our own actions, but unless anyone has lived through an addiction of their own, it is impossible to relate. It is easy to say dont look at porn, or dont touch yourself, but it's alot harder than you would think when you battle it everyday.

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