Photo from Sandor GardosThe little man in the boat: Everyone jokes about how hard he is to find, but is there a way to make him, well, taller? Maybe with a nice big sombrero? An anonymous CafeMom member asked this question.
My clitoris is small, which makes it difficult for me to get aroused and for my partner to find it. I would love to have a normal sex life. Is there a way I can enlarge the clitoris using a pump, surgery, medication, herbs, or anything else?
I brought this question to Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., sex therapist and founder of MyPleasure.com, to see what he thought of the clitoris pump idea.
Sandor Gardos says: "I've got a two-part answer to this question. One, no, you can't make your clitoris bigger. Two, and this is the good news, there's no need to. All the pump does is pull blood temporarily into the genital area. It doesn't increase nerve endings, and it's not permanent. Same with creams, herbs, and that kind of thing: All they do is irritate the area, and no reputable sex therapist would recommend any of that.
If your issue is not feeling responsive enough sexually, I'd ask this: Where did you get your idea of what's 'normal?' Porn movies don't tell the truth. Most women take 20-40 minutes to get aroused, and 40-60 percent of women say there's not enough stimulation from intercourse alone to cause a climax. That's normal, and drawing a magic bulls-eye on your clitoris won't change it.
Instead, take matters into your own hands and show your partner where your clitoris is and how you like it to be handled. You can demonstrate, or put your hand on his to guide him; it can be very sexy for couples to do this. The other things I would recommend are a vibrator and lube – to increase stimulation, and increase the surface contact. Both will improve things while leaving your equipment in its natural state."
There's not much I can add this week, because he pretty much covered it all. I'll just reiterate: Your clit is your clit, and the problem isn't the equipment – it's the pressure you're putting on yourself to respond in a way you've been trained to expect. It's much more fun to learn your body from the inside out, seeing out your secret desires and maximizing your responses. Be confident in your body: Just like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, you already have everything you need – there's no place like O!
Have you ever thought about making the man in the boat ... bigger?
Have another sex or relationship question? Ask me in a comment below or send an email here, choosing Love & Sex as your subject. I'll work on getting an expert answer.