Horny Lipstick for Date Night?

April Peveteaux

Flickr: Photo by notsogoodphotography
File this under "Funny Bridal Gift" and forget it. Or if you really want to spend $18.50 on lipstick that goes on clear then darkens if you're feeling frisky, try the Mood Swing on your next date night. You know, so your partner will be crystal clear on whether or not the evening will have a happy ending.

I just don't buy that this lipstick is going to be able to measure your mood for sex. What, does it call up my brain and ask, "Are you feeling relaxed? Do you feel skinny in this outfit? Is your husband wearing the tight pants?"

What if at the beginning of the night I'm so excited to be out of the house, without a kid hanging off of my hip that I want to jump behind the first tree I see and make public love to my man? Then, say we don't act on that impulse and instead go to dinner where my husband puts his Blackberry on the table and constantly checks it to see who else might be trying to get his attention (note = he NEVER does this).

In that scenario, my lips would have darkened, but they don't go back to clear the minute a girl changes her mind. Also, Mood Swing comes with a color chart so your love-making pal can tell exactly where your arousal levels are, by checking the chart. Nothing puts me in the mood faster than having someone carry a chart around all night and constantly referring to it to see if I'm ready to be had.

Horny lipstick fail.

But the real issue here, as Broadsheet points out, is why in the world do you need a secret signal to send when you want to have sex? Why not just tell your partner you'd like to get some action? It takes much less time than applying and waiting for your lipstick to show up, checking the chart and then finding a room. And it will leave you $18.50 richer.

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