couple

Hubs & I: The early days.

Since having a daughter, the saying a girl's first love is her father makes so much more sense to me. My husband will set the tone for the type of man my daughter Penelope will be attracted to. Or woman. Or maybe that will be me?

And our relationship -- the strength of it -- is the first example she will see and learn from. Same goes for my son.

It made me look at my own relationship with my dad. And the relationship my parents have with each other. Along with my relationship with my husband.

No relationship is perfect, at least they aren't in my world, but I certainly want to project the best parts of it to my kids.

My parents are still married. Sometimes things were more upside down roller-coaster ride than a smooth sail, but they love each other and they go to great lengths to make it work.

My husband's parents divorced about 25 years ago. His dad remarried. Mom did not. There's a world of hurt there. Still an open wound for the family.

When I met Hans and learned his parents weren't together my mom's voice echoed in my head. (You can "hear" her voice, too. Just think of a slightly softer Fran Drescher.) "Neva date a man whose parents aw divorced." 

Neva = never. Aw = are. (I love my mom.)

She was protecting me. Wanting me to find a mind who had good marriage role models. But I think Hans is a better husband because of his parents divorce. He saw the pain, never wanted that to happen to him. I'm glad I gave him a chance!

Hans is nothing like my dad. Okay, they both get impatient when waiting for their wives to get ready to leave the house, but the similarities stop there. But my dad did teach me a lot, and those values helped me find Hans. (After many a trial and error.) And Hans is an amazing example for my kids to know what a true gentleman is like. I wouldn't have had kids with him if he wasn't.

My marriage is also nothing like my parents' marriage. But so far they are both going strong, both brought two children each into this world, and both work really hard to be the best for their family.

So in not so obvious ways, my parents' relationship shaped my views of love. And I'm a better wife because of it. I can only hope the best examples continue to be there for my kids.

Has your parents' marriage shaped your relationship? Do you worry about your own relationship setting an example for your kids?