Photo from Mominatrix
Congratulations to our winner, yummy_mommy89! Be on the lookout for more great giveaways from The Stir.
For all those mamas out there whose sex life has given way to poopy diapers, Mominatrix's: A Guide to Sex is for you. Author Kristen Chase, a mother of 3 young children, knows a thing or two about juggling parenthood and keeping that flame alive, and she's so kindly shared some of her secrets with us:
The Stir: Admittedly, the thought of sex is probably the last thing on a new mom's mind....how important is it for new moms to keep intimacy a priority and what can they do in order to do so?
Kristen: I think it's important for moms to think about it when they're ready - not when they think someone else is. I generally find that there's a sweet spot around 2-4 months (sometimes shorter or longer - every woman is different) where moms finally get into a groove when it comes to mothering and they can actually put their mind around the idea of having sex.
When moms get to that point, I think the great thing about sex is that it allows them to feel like a woman again, not just a woman masquerading as a diaper changer and feeding machine. And that can be extremely humanizing and comforting. Also, it can be a nice break for their brain to think about something else other than a baby.
Every mom is different in terms of what helps them think about sex, but I hear that feeling great about themselves, whether it's going to the gym, fitting into old jeans, or just getting a pedicure, can really help them feel sexy.
The Stir: How do you feel sex and relationships relate to each other? Is a good sex life absolutely crucial to having a healthy relationship?
Kristen: Sex and love relationships (partnerships, marriages) are intimately intertwined. And while a good sex life is important to a healthy relationships, there are other ones - like communication, friendship (just to name a couple) that are important as well. So, if sex is lacking, there should be other aspects of their relationship holding it together until that part catches up to speed.
The Stir: Okay, so I'm a new mom, covered in spit-up, with a baby constantly (at least it feels like it) on my boob...tell me again how I can feel sexy?
Kristen: You know, feeling sexy in spit-up is nearly impossible, so I strongly recommend finding a way to get a break - whether that's a babysitter for a dinner out, some time alone to get your nails done, or even quiet time in your room where no children can bother you for 15 minutes straight. Anything, even time with your amazing, adorable children, can get monotonous, and breaking that cycle and injecting yourself with non-kid related activities can really help.
I also suggest doing something sexy - buy some new underwear, read an erotic romance novel, you get the idea. If you've got nothing sexy or sexual in your life, there's a good chance you're not going to feel that way. The water may be cold when you dip your toe in, but as you ease yourself into the water, it gets warmer and warmer.
The Stir: What are some ways that a new mom can tell if she's ready for sex (both physically and emotionally)?
Kristen: Many moms have the whole "6 week" postpartum marker in their heads, but really, it depends on you and your own body. If you answer yes to any of these, you might want to wait:
b) Feeling pain (c-section scar or vaginal)?
c) Extremely tired and exhausted?
d) Crying easily?
If you've answered yes, you might need a little more time to recover before you hop back into the sack.
Mominatrix covers all of this and more. From sex during pregnancy, to bringing it back after bringing baby home, to spicing it up, it shows how motherhood undoubtedly changes our sex life, but it doesn't have to mean it's for the worse.
And we're giving away a copy of the book to one lucky CafeMom reader! To enter to win, just tell us:
What's the biggest change been between you and your partner's interactions after having a baby?
Here are the giveaway rules...
Only your first comment counts as an entry.
One (1) CafeMom who replies to this post with a comment by 11:59 pm (EST) on Saturday, March 20, 2010, will be chosen at random to receive a copy of The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex (valued at $14.95).*
*No Purchase Necessary. Starts March 16, 2010 at 7:00 am (EST) and ends March 20, 2010 at 11:59 pm (EST). Open to U.S. residents, 16 years and older, who are CafeMom members. Void where prohibited. Click here for the Official Rules.