Lifestyle

Man's 'Harmless' Lie to In-Laws About Being Fluent in French Comes Back to Massively Bite Him

LifestylePublished Aug 4, 2020
By Maressa Brown
man studying on ipadtommaso79/iStock.com

From serving the perfect side dishes at Thanksgiving to attending a place of worship when they've never practiced religion before, people often go out of their way to appease not only their spouse but their in-laws. For a husband on Reddit, this looked like allowing a joke to morph into a lie that he has perpetuated for six years. The man made a remark that led his wife's parents to believe he speaks fluent French. Now, he's planning a trip to Paris and is wringing his hands that he'll be found out.

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The Redditor took to the Today I F---ed Up subreddit.

The poster said he was determined to make a great first impression, and his wife's mom said she had always wanted to learn French. 

"I thought I'd win her over by telling a joke: 'A few years ago I didn't speak any French, but now I can speak fluently -- apparently, it is parler liquide,'" the OP recalled. "Well, they didn't quite catch my wit, apparently speaking neither French nor sarcasm. Before this, they'd been cold to me at best, but now, they were treating me like I was the queen of France -- before the revolution."

He claimed that he thought they were just interested in more humorous plays on French words, which he happily doled out. 

But then they asked him to share when and where and how he learned French ... and if he'd be willing to teach them.

"It being the first time meeting my wife's family, me fearing the awkward, and her dad looking like he chops trees with his bare hands, I made the split second decision to lie," wrote the OP. "And lied I have these past six years."

The OP noted that his relationship with his in-laws has "grown steady."

"I've spent far more time with them than I ever anticipated," he explained. "I would have been comfortable coming clean to them, had it not been for the fact that the Frenchness is my entire identity, my being, my worth to them now. I have become a caricature. Fearing they'd suspect otherwise, I way overdid it early on which means I've had to keep it up at express pace this entire time."

Apparently, the OP's wife thinks the situation is "hilarious, which is why she hasn't said anything."

"The lie has gone on far too long for me to say anything," the poster noted. "Every Christmas, the family gets together and I gift them French wines, despite never having been there. I sometimes say 'merde' after intentionally dropping something in front of them, and I even learned how to make baguettes. I occasionally wear a beret, and they love me for it."

Now, the OP's in-laws have decided to invite the whole family to Paris for their 30th anniversary next year/post-pandemic.

"They're so excited, and they're talking about how I can translate for them, and 'take them places only locals would know of' and how I've 'inspired them to finally visit France,'" wrote the OP. "My wife's parents are no wealthy people. It is a grand gesture from them paying for my vacation to Europe. I know I've got to tell them. I can't back out of it, my wife would kill me. And I can't wait for them to find out in France, my wife would kill me."

The OP concluded that it is "so frustrating, because it's such a small f----up that has built up to this tremendous thing over the past few years. I have no idea what will happen once they know, but I'm not eager to find out."

Redditors weighed in, encouraging the OP to -- gasp -- actually learn French.

"Seriously, it's the most American thing ever that the option of actually learning French never even entered OP's head," wrote one commenter.

Another noted: "Doesn't take too much to get at least tourist-level French. I started learning during lockdown and picked it up pretty quick. I mostly use Duolingo for convenience (a lot of people are critical of its approach), but use a couple of other sources as well. Bought myself some French comics to practice with and can follow along fairly well."

Some people offered conspiracy theories about what's really going on with the wife and her parents.

One commenter floated an alternate possibility: "Plot twist: The in-laws are actually smart and fluent in French. They spent the past six years laughing their a--es off and the trip to Paris is their grand finale."

Another wrote, "Here's hoping your wife clued them in years ago, and they're seeing how far they can take this." The commenter acknowledged that might not be the case, concluding, "Either way you've got a year to practice!"

The general consensus seems to be that is the OP's best bet. But he might also want to reflect on and unpack the insecurities that got him into this face-palming predicament in the first place.

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