Mom Says Daughter Is 'Selfish' for Not Wanting to Have Kids 'Naturally' & Adopting Instead


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There are some who feel the call to motherhood deep in their bones, and then there are those who know with every fiber that it is not for them. As for which outlook is the "right" one? Well, both of them. Considering parenthood is a life-long commitment, if you know it's not for you, you're doing the right thing by not having any. 

At least, that's how one childless Redditor feels -- however, her mother totally disagrees.

  • "I think people who choose to be mothers are beautiful and strong but it's just not for me," the woman explained. 

    "My husband feels the same way and we have talked about if we wanted kids we would want to adopt and give a child a loving home when we are both emotionally/mentally mature enough for a child."

    That is a pretty reasonable, if not admirable, way to look at things.

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  • The woman went on to explain that the idea of getting pregnant absolutely "haunts" her, and it is the last thing she wants to put her body through. 

    Because again, she is in no way ready for it.

    "My husband and I have been thinking of me getting a bilateral salpingectomy," she explained. Simply put this is a procedure in which both of the fallopian tubes are removed. 

     "I am the one who came to this decision and my husband supports it. I don't want him to get a vasectomy because they can come undone and I can still get pregnant. But with this procedure I can no longer get pregnant 'naturally' but I still have my ovaries, so I can have an IVF if we change our minds (doubt it)."

  • The couple has been pretty vocal about their desire to adopt if they do want kids, and her father and his mother seem pretty onboard. 

    Her mother and his stepfather are another story. 

    "My mom just says 'no no no' and 'you need to start having kids asap before you find out you can't have any' and 'when are you giving me a grandchild?' And then my husband's stepdad (whom I've known for 2 years) is telling me to have kids so he can have grandkids and makes all these creepy baby jokes to me. I've told them both I don't want kids and my mom has flipped out on me, calling me selfish and that I'm going to waste my life by not having kids. His stepdad just undermines my opinion and says 'yes you do, you just don't know it.'"

  • Because of these reactions, the woman is starting to feel guilty. 

    "A part of me feels bad because it's like I'm 'cheating' them out of being grandparents but if I had a child for that reason it would be wrong and not fair to either me or the child," she wrote. "Would I be an a--hole to get this procedure and not have kids? Am I being 'selfish?'"

  • People were astounded that she felt any guilt for making this decision. 

    "What your mom is doing is incredibly selfish," reassured one reader. "Only about her want of a grandchild and no consideration to your feelings. There is no reason on earth to regard anything she is telling you."

  • Many advised her to stick to a "script" and just repeatedly tell her mother that it is her life and her choice.

    "YOU. DO. NOT. OWE. ANYONE. KIDS," affirmed another reader. "You have a right to make decisions about your body. The only way you could have been an [expletive] in this is if you didn't tell your husband, but you definitely did, so don't worry about it. You mom needs to get over it and stop being so selfish."

    All in all everyone seemed to agree: Her body, her rules.