15 Things No One Tells Moms About Sex After Baby

Deborah Cruz | Apr 22, 2020 Love & Sex
15 Things No One Tells Moms About Sex After Baby
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There are so many things that are never told to first-time expectant moms, from how hard it really is to get pregnant to what birth really feels like to how much a baby really changes everything. Women just go into pregnancy and motherhood with rose-colored glasses on that are promptly ripped off their faces the moment true labor starts whether it be au natural or Pitocin induced. 

The last thing most newly expecting moms are thinking about when they get pregnant is how to feel sexy after giving birth or what sex will be like after you have the baby. Let’s be honest, mama just spent possibly months doing the deed to get pregnant, she is not even considering when sex will be on the table after giving birth.

Still, eventually it will happen. The baby will be born. This beautiful couple will now be new parents and soon, after the memory of labor begins to fade and exhaustion is the new normal, sex will come into play again. It may be better or it could be worse, but sex after having a baby will definitely be different, at least for a little while. Here are 15 things no one tells moms about sex after baby.

  • Lube Is Her New BFF


    Hormones can cause some vaginal dryness ranging from slight drying to Sahara desert. Best advice is to have some kind of lubricant on hand if there are to be no awkward pauses when the deed is done. No one wants their first sexual encounter after giving birth to resemble going down a water slide with no water. Ouch!

  • Breastfeeding & Sex Make Strange Bedfellows


    The thing no one warns new moms who breastfeed is that sometimes unexpected things happen during sex after baby. Kathyrn Dickson of Katherine Anywhere tells CafeMom, "Your breast will squirt milk as soon as he touches you!" Expect the unexpected.

  • Baby's Always First


    Some new moms may mentally be ready to get back in the proverbial "saddle" as soon as the mandatory six-week wait is up. However, Kelly Lindenhofen, a mom, tells us, "As much as you want to be intimate with your partner, you'll want to hold your baby more." If baby cries, dad boners die and moms reply to baby's beck and call. Once baby is born, there's nowhere a mom would rather be than snuggling her newborn.

  • No Nookie for a Minimum of 6 Weeks


    The standard wait time from delivery to intimate relations is typically six weeks after a vaginal birth and eight weeks after a C-section. Obviously, harder on the partner who didn't just push a watermelon out of their nether regions. Mary Ware at The Mom Friend tells us, "Just because six weeks is the common timeline, that doesn’t mean her body will be physically ready for it. Healing takes time!" New moms need to practice patience and forgiveness with themselves. New dads will survive a few more days for her to be ready. 

  • Sex Can Be Painful After Baby


    Sex can hurt postpartum, or at the least, be uncomfortable. A woman's body needs time to recover from labor and delivery. There are a myriad of things that can happen during pregnancy and birth, from hemorrhoids to anal fissures, and let's not forget the beloved episiotomy scar. 

  • She Just Might Not Be That Into It


    Sorry, partner, but it’s not uncommon for new moms to lose their libido after giving birth. After giving birth, estrogen levels drop and continue to be low the entire time mama breastfeeds. Low estrogen levels lead to lowered sex drive. Don't worry, it does come back eventually.

  • She Might Be Preoccupied With Other Things


    Things are definitely different almost immediately. An entire new human being is living in the house and dependent on mom for survival. That fact is not lost on her. New moms can find it hard to get out of their heads. It's hard to relax when her brain is on baby mode, especially in the beginning when baby is waking up what feels like every 15 minutes to cluster feed. It's hard to fully engage when one ear is listening for a crying baby in the next room.

  • Sex Might Feel Completely Different


    It's common knowledge that sex can feel painful after giving birth because of the trauma the vagina and all of the mom parts have endured but it can also feel different in lots of ways. Things don’t always bounce back into place immediately or ever. That just means trying some new positions and having some fun with that new body. In some cases, sex could even get better. 

  • Finding Time To Have Sex Will Be Hard


    Imagine having the baby, everything is a go, even mom's libido, but did dad forgot about one thing? Nightly cluster feedings, colic, and middle of the night code brown blowouts. There is nothing as unsexy as a middle of the night baby with poop up to his neck. Spontaneous sex is no longer existent. It's still possible to find an area at home for privacy and a spare 15 minutes.

  • She Might Not Feel Sexy


    When all is said and done, most women can't 100% enjoy sex or really want anything to do with it if they don't feel sexy in their own skin. Not saying she's got to be feeling herself like a Kardashian, but she's at least got to feel comfortable enough to be naked. She'll be tired and emotional but if she feels wanted and attractive, it'll be better for both partners.

  • Different Things Are Turn Ons Now


    Maybe she used to turn on easily by a simple blow in her ear or kiss of her neck but hormones, changes in her priorities -- and even the way her body has healed -- can change the way her body responds to different foreplay. This is 1,000% normal. It's been rumored some moms even get more turned on simply by getting more sleep. Just saying, if dad wants some nookie, he may want to take care of baby so mama can sneak in a nap. 

  • She Might Be Traumatized


    It might sound crazy to anyone who has never given birth, but it's a lot. There is nothing quite so painful, in all honesty. Women have almost lost their children, had emergency C-sections, almost died themselves, ripped their perineum, and even split their tailbones during labor. It's not inconceivable that this would be enough to give this mama some fear at the thought of anything even remotely going near her baby maker. 

  • Go Slow


    Things are not what they once were down there. There has been a major shift in the foundation. Mama has brought life into the world. She's wonder woman but her body needs careful consideration. Go slow and let her body dictate the pace of how far and how long it takes on that first dip back into the intimate relations pool. Maybe start with some cuddling.

  • It Could Look Like Shark Week in the Bed


    After all of the bleeding moms do after giving birth, one would think it was virtually impossible to bleed any more. That would be a gross misconception. Yes, sometimes it's all good in the vagina hood and other times, it looks like there was a shark attack in the bed after that first time after delivery. Maybe put down a towel, at least if they're good sheets. 

  • Sex or Nap? She'll Choose Nap


    Sex will never again be as important as sleep. Sure, eventually she'll want sex again because she is human, but from this point on, she will be forever exhausted from raising, caring for, and loving children. The best way to ensure that she's in the mood will be by providing mama with some parenting relief so she's less exhausted. Folding laundry, putting laundry away, and washing dishes have also been proven to be aphrodisiacs to most moms.

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