17 Moms Share How They Are Surviving Isolation With Marriage Intact

Wendy Robinson | Apr 3, 2020 Love & Sex
17 Moms Share How They Are Surviving Isolation With Marriage Intact
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heatherdeffense/twenty20.com

Traditional marriage vows tell couples that love means promising to be together in sickness and in health and for richer and for poorer. Nowhere do those vows talk about having to spend weeks, and maybe even months, trapped in the same house with the same person. But then isolation hit, and couples everywhere are finding themselves with tons of togetherness and maybe way too much times on their hands, which could be a recipe for disaster.

The truth is that marriage can be hard under normal circumstances, but when the anxiety of a global crisis meets working from home meets trying to homeschool some kids -- well, things can get hairy in a hurry. Even the most loving couples can find it hard not to get on each other's nerves when nobody can leave the house and every cough causes anxiety. We asked some real moms for their best tips on staying sane, staying kind, and staying married during and after isolation. From making sure sexy times still happen to finding ways to make sure that everyone gets at least some alone time, these tips are totally doable and just might be the trick to coming out of isolation more in love than ever before.

  • Marriage Counseling 

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    Chaay_Tee/twenty20.com

    "If your insurance covers it, or if your income hasn't been impacted, virtual marriage counseling is the best! Most therapists are doing this now, and it's so freaking convenient -- stick your kids in front of a movie, you can be in your jammies, snuggling a pet, whatever." -- Karen S., St. Paul, Minnesota 

  • Get Frisky

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    criene/twenty20.com

    "It sounds basic, but sex is really important for us. We've agreed to make an effort to have sexy times every other day and it definitely takes the rough edges off and makes it easier for us to be loving and patient with each other on the other days." -- Caroline W., Denton, Texas

  • Lower the Bar

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    JulieK/twenty20.com

    "We're trying to be very clear and to communicate more. Having stupid unimportant things (see: Love is Blind and Tiger King) to talk about helps. We've lowered expectations, especially around meals." -- Lizzie K., Ann Arbor, Michigan 

  • Keep It Simple 

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    kayp/twenty20.com

    "We take turns giving the other alone time each day -- solo walks or drives, watching tv/listening to music in the bedroom with the door shut. I’ve also been holding off on any 'big' convos I’d been wanting to have with him... and trying to keep things light. We’ve lightened up on setting structure/limits around screen time (for all of us!) and making meals that require any sort of time/planning. Simplicity is the name of the game for us right now." -- Lindsay P., Tucson, Arizona

  • Reassess

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    criene/twenty20.com

    "We reassess about things that aren't working and came up with a different plan. This week he's giving me a 'lunch break' three of the four days I'm with the kids all day and the one day a week he is solo parenting AND working from home, he's taking two hours to himself when I get home. This weekend we'll reassess again." -- Laura W., St. Paul, Minnesota

  • Keep Routines 

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    criene/twenty20.com

    "Weekly traditions that make family life feel predictable and special help keep us running smoothly. We have pizza and movie night every Friday. We do family dance nights on Saturday nights. Baking day on Thursdays. Keeps some normalcy in an abnormal situation." -- Jodie E., Ashville, North Carolina

  • Don't Let It Fester

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    tampatra/twenty20.com

    "With no real break from each other (we live in a 600 square foot apartment!), we can't let little things fester. So we're being really direct with each other and explicit about when we need space and when we need more support from each other. No letting small things turn into big things!" -- Nina G., Queens, New York 

  • No Judgment 

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    kayp/twenty20.com

    "We all have our ways to survive this thing. It kind of annoys me when my husband stays up too late playing video games, but I can see that is how he decompresses so I'm not going to get nit picky about how he spends his evening time." -- Nicki D., Boise, Idaho

  • Date Night 

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    nina_p_v/twenty20.com

    "We are trying to stay connected by having a date night once a week. We put our 4 year old twins to bed and then we get take out from our favorite restaurant. We put the screens away, I put on some real clothes and we talk about ANYTHING other than kids and this situation." -- Erin A., Edina, Minnesota

  • Fresh Air 

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    talent.zukutu/twenty20.com

    "We're lucky to live near a trail, so we are getting out every night for a walk and some fresh air. Walking is a stress relief and getting out of the house in a socially distant way gives us a much needed change of scenery." -- Tamara S., Davis, California

  • The S Plan 

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    vedrana2701/twenty20.com

    "My plan for surviving this thing without wanting to do a murder? Simple. The three S plan: sex, snacks, and sleep. EVERYONE is happier with lots of snacks and an afternoon nap, kids and adults. Sex every few nights keeps adults happy too." -- Elena G., Tampa, Florida

  • Book Club

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    twenty20.com

    "My husband and I formed a two person book club! He's never done a book club before, but it is fun to be reading the same book plus it gives us something to talk about that isn't so scary and depressing. Having a new shared interest is healthy." -- Allison H., Spokane, Washington

  • Anticipation 

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    danielacuevascastillo/twenty20.com

    "We have a 2 year old and I'm due any day with baby #2, so we are in a weird place of being scared and having so much to look forward to. We're trying to focus on our growing family, which helps keep our perspective and patience when we're feeling sick of each other." -- Katie C., Salt Lake City, Utah

  • Planning Ahead 

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    elias.lika/twenty20.com

    "We're gonna save the money we aren't spending on shopping and eating out and put it toward a kick [expletive] trip when this is all over. When we start bickering, we try to take a break and do a little dream trip planning instead." -- Beth T., Colorado Springs, Colorado 

  • Self-Care

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    CassMcD/twenty20.com

    "This is one of those 'put on your own oxygen mask' moments. Making sure I take care of myself by exercising every day is really helpful. If I can burn off some of my own anxiety means I have more emotional energy left over to be there for my husband." -- Tia S., Des Moines, Iowa

  • Find a Way To Laugh

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    TonyTheTigersSon/twenty20.com

    "My husband and I have been married for five months and have a 1 year old. We've had a lot of changes in the last year but we can make it through everything it we just keep making each other laugh. We've been texting each other random funny memes and watching dumb shows together. Laughing helps." -- Dakota D., Joplin, Missouri

  • Project 

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    cookienanster/twenty20.com

    "We bought an old house about three months ago. We're using our isolation time to work on home projects. It's productive and a good distraction. After dealing with the kids all day and painting walls all night, we are too tired to be snippy with each other." -- Shannon E., St. Paul, Minnesota

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