Newly Engaged Woman Refuses To Take Off Ring From Dead Fiancé & Her New Man Has Had Enough

Engaged couple
@phylicianicole/Twenty20

Building a relationship takes time. Besides testing the compatibility waters, a couple should take the time to share their past experiences and expectations for love. When you first meet someone, it's natural and expected that they've lived some life. That person could have been previously engaged or married or have children. But what happens when you find out your current partner is still holding on to a former love? And what if your current partner is now your fiancée and still wears the ring from their deceased fiancé?

That's the situation with one man and his soon-to-be wife. She had been engaged to a man who died in a pedestrian car accident. The man met the woman a year-and-a-half after her fiancé's death, so when they started dating, he was understanding about her still wearing the engagement ring. She revealed to him early on that she would never remove that ring. Now that they're engaged, the man took to Reddit to explain how frustrated he is that the woman continues to wear her former love's ring. 

  • To be fair, the woman was upfront saying she wouldn't remove the ring from her late fiancé until the day she dies.

    In his post, the man explained that his fiancée said in the beginning that she would understand if wearing her previous fiancé's ring was a deal breaker for the man. Apparently she was prepared to end their relationship -- but she wouldn't change her mind about taking it off.

    "I was fine with it thinking it was a temporary coping thing," the man wrote. "When I first went over [to] her house (she owned it with him) I saw pictures of him, the life they lived, etc. it felt weird."

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  • Once he proposed, the man believed it was time to speak up about the ring again.

    Now engaged, the couple have made some progress. They set their wedding date for 2021, and she sold her house and packed away the photos of her former love. The woman bought a condo, and the man moved in once they got engaged. 

    "But that ring is still on her right finger," the man wrote. "I really figured she just needed more time to heal and that after we got engaged she would take it off. We had a heart to heart last night and I told her this and that it bothered me."

  • She's still not willing to budge.

    According to the Redditor, the woman said that she’s sorry that it bothers him, but she will not take the ring off, "not now or ever."

    "She says she already told me this when we met and I continued seeing her," he revealed. "Am I in the wrong to think that it was a temporary grieving process?"

  • The new fiancé doesn't want to have to compete with her memories of her other man forever.

    Even though the woman is assuring the man that she has room in her heart for him, she confessed that she lost a part of herself when her fiancé died years ago. She even went to therapy for two years to deal with her feelings of loss.

    "I can’t help but to think I’m competing with a ghost," the man wrote. "That she never would of wanted me if he was still alive. What happens when we die and hypothetically there’s a heaven. She meets back up with this guy and my ghost is [expletive] out of luck."

    "Not trying to be funny and I know it sounds dumb but [expletive], why does she have to wear that ring?"

  • Most Redditors think the man should be more secure in his relationship and not worry about the ring.

    "She told you that that ring was never coming off her finger and you were only okay with that because you didn't take what she said at face value and figured eventually she would be over the death of someone she loved dearly," one commenter posted. "She has done everything she can to reassure you that she loves you completely ... I wear a necklace that my dead now ex girlfriend gave me to protect me and that necklace is never coming off me. That doesn't mean I won't truly love anyone else, it just means that she still matters to me."

    Another commenter agreed. "She was pretty clear about her intentions," the person wrote. "Don't get me wrong I don't think her way of coping is the healthiest in terms of moving on and loving again but she was upfront with you in the beginning. It's not her fault she didn't change like you hoped and it ended up exactly like she told you."

    "I am kinda a blunt [expletive], but this is the truth -- if you are dating someone who lost a loved one, expect baggage," a third commenter wrote. "Her fiancé died and she was very straightforward about the whole deal with the ring. Please be patient with her, respect her boundary, and don't be mad when she doesn't oblige your attempts to break the boundary."

  • But some Redditors believe that the woman is not ready to move on with him.

    "You shouldn't be marrying this person," one person commented. "You are always going to feel like this and she warned you that she would never take it off and asked you if it was a deal breaker. You two aren't right for one another."

    Another person agreed with this view. "I feel really sorry for [him]. I think regardless of the ring situation being with someone whose fiancé died is always going be tough for you to feel like you aren't competing with them. They were obviously happy together, loved each other, excited for the future together, intended to make the ultimate commitment to each other and BAM the relationship was stopped dead and preserved at this moment in time.

    "Even if it wasn't perfect and eventually would have hit rough times it will be easy for the widow to remember that it was perfect," the person continued. "It's too tragic to try to sully the good memories with bad ones. I don't know how anyone doesn't feel insecure compared to that."

  • In the end, she was honest about how she felt -- even if he didn't want to believe her.

    The man clearly thought that he could change her feelings. But as the Maya Angelou saying goes, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

    From what we're reading, it doesn't seem like the couple will come to a compromise. Will the man be able to accept his fiancée's obvious undying feelings for her deceased fiancé? Will the woman change her mind and take off the ring? 

    One Redditor sums it up like this: "It's not like the fiancée is going to cheat on him with her late fiancé. If he can't let this go, he should do the right thing and end this relationship. It's not fair to his fiancée that he knew about this from date ONE and lied about whether or not it was ok. It's no different than lying to a significant other about wanting kids or not, hoping they'll change their mind after they get married."