20 Small Silver Linings of Going Through a Divorce

Meredith Gordon | Aug 19, 2019 Love & Sex
20 Small Silver Linings of Going Through a Divorce
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20 Small Silver Linings of Going Through a Divorce
Twenty20

We're not going to sugarcoat it: Ending any marriage -- even a really bad one -- is just the worst. On a really basic, unemotional level, it's just a huge hassle. Divorce is expensive as all get-out, even if it's amicable, and there's mountains and mountains of paperwork to get through, even if it's a no-fault situation with joint custody and everyone is trying their absolute best to be civil -- and may the Lord help us and the mountains of paperwork if it isn't a super chill divorce. And then, of course, there's all the emotional labor involved. For many people who go through a divorce, it brings up a ton of difficult feelings. Even if we know at our core that we deserve to be happy and that, ultimately, both parents being happy will be better in the long run for our kids, we may end up feeling guilty, feeling like a failure, and feeling hopeless about our romantic future.


Realistically, there are a lot of bad emotions that can come up. And we're often not surrounded by the kind of people who will say the right things in that moment. Sometimes, instead of hearing, "Hey there, person who is wonderful and capable and strong and beautiful, it's going to be OK and this is for the best. Promise," we end up hearing something snippy and belittling from our parents or our former in-laws or our friends. But that doesn't mean this wasn't a good idea in the end. If divorce is something that's been top of mind lately, check out information on when it's time to consider divorce. It's not an encyclopedia of literally everything that could make a divorce happen, but it may help to see if this is a rough patch or something more. And for anyone feeling guilty about how a divorce may impact the kids, know they'll get through it, too. Honestly, there are so many things that are worse for a kid than their parent getting divorced. Finally, for anyone looking for a marker to celebrate their newfound freedom, consider getting a tattoo after that divorce.

  • No More Sharing the Bed

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    No More Sharing The Bed
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    He hogged the covers. Her snoring kept us up. She ate crackers in bed. He had feet that felt like sandpaper. She never wanted to turn off the light at a reasonable hour. Well, now that's not a problem anymore. Woo-hoo!

  • We Suddenly Get to Watch Whatever Want

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    You Get To Watch Whatever You Want
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    No more Sundays watching football when that doesn't spark joy, like, at all. No more enduring that ultra-painful The Real Housewives marathon that never seems to end. Who's the boss of the remote control now? That's right! I am!

  • New-Found Free Time

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    Newfound Free Time
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    After a divorce, all that time we used to spend on our marriages is all ours now, to do literally whatever we want with. Take a drawing class, get into yoga, keep a cleaner home, take an online class in coding ... free time is the gift that keeps on giving.

  • More Time for Friends

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    More Time for Friends
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    There's only so much time in a day, but after a divorce, we get a bit more time to see those friends we didn't have time -- or even go out in search of new ones at a local MeetUp or mom group. 

  • Ending a Bad Relationship Can Be a Relief

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    Ending a Bad Relationship Can Be a Relief
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    As hard as it is to end a marriage, it's also a gigantic relief to end a bad one. If we've been feeling like our partner has been gaslighting us, or we've been lied to, our we were cheated on ... getting out of that relationship and no longer wearing that ring is such a relief.

  • No More Annoying In-Laws

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    No More Annoying In-Laws
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    The spouse is gone, and so are the annoying in-laws. Not everyone is cursed with overbearing in-laws, but we definitely know plenty of folks who have had to set serious boundaries with in-laws who were really, really into crossing lines. 

  • It Means Sex With Someone New

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    It Means Sex With Someone New
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    Sure, the thought of sex with someone new might seem daunting, but it's also totally exciting. And in the wake of a divorce, it may not be the first thing we think of, but when we do... sex with someone new? Honestly, yes, please.

  • Finally Getting Some Time Off From Parenting

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    Finally Getting Some Time Off From Parenting
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    Of course, the transition to shared custody can be absolutely heartbreaking and depressing. But look on the bright side: After a divorce, we're not on duty all the time anymore. Part-time parenting has its perks.

  • No More Picking Up After Another Adult

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    No More Picking Up After Another Adult
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    All those years picking up shoes that were somehow flung halfway across the room or washing clothing of another completely grown human being who can do his own wash are over. Hmm, maybe this divorce thing isn't so tragic after all.

  • No More Enduring Annoying Habits

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    No More Enduring Their Annoying Habits
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    He farts when he sneezes. She sings when she pees. Either way, it's totally annoying. Either way, after we get divorced, we don't have to endure it anymore. An ex's annoying habits are someone else's problem now ... suckers.

  • No More Criticism

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    No More Criticism
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    Being single can seem depressing until we realize we no longer have to hear our partner complain about our cooking, our clothing, our weight, our friends ... basically, the whole of us that we liked but drove the spouse absolutely mad. 

  • Our Money Belongs to Us

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    Our Money Belongs To Us
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    Barring whatever financial settlement we have with our ex, our money is now ours, and what we choose to do with it isn't anyone else's business. Plus, no more paying someone else's bills. Ka-ching!

  • Divorcing Those Annoying Friends: Maybe the Biggest Upside?

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    Divorcing Their Most Annoying Friends: Maybe The Biggest Upside?
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    It's impossible to be in a long-term relationship and like all of our spouse's friends. So while we'll want to hang onto our ex's friends that have become our own, after a divorce, we also get to lose the ones we would rather do without.

  • Pursuing Dreams Again

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    Pursuing Dreams Again
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    It's rare that one doesn't put some dreams on hold for the sake of a relationship, but now that the relationship is over, we get to pursue whatever dreams we want. There's no one standing in the way now!

  • We Get to Do Things at Our Own Pace

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    We Get To Do Things At Our Own Pace
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    She hated it when the laundry wasn't done on Sundays. He loathed washing the dishes after dinner and just let them pile up. After a divorce, we get to do things on our schedule, when we feel like, not because someone else is nagging. 

  • New Incentive to Take Care of Our Body

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    There's New Incentive To Take Care Of Our Bodies
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    It's common -- and normal -- to let it go a bit in the comfort of marriage. And while it's pretty scary when we put ourselves back out in the dating pool, it's also incentive to take care of our bodies better and get back in shape.

  • Cat's Out of the Bag!

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    Cat's Out of the Bag!
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    For years before a divorce, it's super common to act like everything's OK -- even great. But now that we've split from our ex, the cat's out of the bag and we don't have to pretend like life is paradise. What a relief!


  • We Get to Start Over

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    We Get To Start Over
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    While we may not have ever anticipated starting over at this point in life, it's also rare to get the chance to do just that. So, we can take the new beginning in stride and make it what we want it to be!

  • Meeting the 'Right Person' Is a Real Hope Again

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    Meeting The
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    Even though we thought our ex was "the one," turns out not to be the case. Although dating can be scary, we now have the opportunity of finding someone for whom we're better suited. How great is that?

  • We Get to Live Our Lives More Freely

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    We Get To Live Our Lives More Freely
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    Want to eat ice cream at 3 a.m.? Want to get a bright-pink hair color? Welp, that's not even a question anymore. When we're on our own, that means we have no one to answer to but ourselves. And that's a huge win. 

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