Wife Asks Husband to Destroy Evidence of Her Secret Child From Their Kids & He's Torn

PeopleImages/iStock.com


PeopleImages/iStock.com

Every marriage has its secrets. But what if a secret is so big that it might do some serious damage if your kids found out later on? This is the exact situation one dad found himself in when his wife asked him to destroy evidence from her tumultuous past, including items that would reveal she has another daughter. She wanted to make sure their two kids never found out. But he wasn't so sure this was the right thing to do. Instead, he decided to get a little help from an advice column and wrote to Dear Prudence to help him make a call on this tricky situation.

  • The concerned husband shared that he and his wife had been keeping this secret for years, ever since his wife escaped her abusive first marriage. 

    According to the dad, his wife had been previously married before they met. The relationship was abusive and to free herself from the situation, his wife left everything behind, including a child and has "never tried to trace or contact her."

    "She finds the whole subject very painful, so much so that she waited to tell me until just before our wedding when she could no longer keep the secret," he wrote. "I think she came close to leaving me rather than have to do that."

    Even though time has passed, the secret of her first family is still incredibly painful for his wife. "I have respected her pain and kept the secret through over 30 years of marriage. In particular, our kids have no clue their mom was married before or that they have a sister," he wrote.

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  • The only thing that remained of his wife's first marriage was a box full of mementos, which she asked her husband to dispose of so no trace of her past could be found.

    "The only evidence was a sealed cardboard box with a few pictures, in our closet," he wrote. "It kept coming along on moves, never opened."

    But recently, his wife was thinking about what would happen when they died and realized how awful it would be if their kids came across her box of secrets while packing up the house. 

    Despite his wife's request to get rid of her box of secrets, the husband said he couldn't help but scan some of the photos before getting rid of the last trace of her daughter. "All of this has me rethinking things," he added. "There’s a part of me that thinks our kids should hear it from us, and really from my wife, as I can tell them little beyond the bare facts." However, it would be very painful for him to ask his wife to do this, he realized. "I would love your thoughts on the matter."

  • As far as Prudence was concerned, the husband had already betrayed his wife's trust.

    "Tell your wife that you lied," she advised him. "I can understand that this is a difficult secret to keep and that you feel uncomfortable at the possibility that your children may find out someday."  But ultimately it was his wife's decision on how to deal with her past.

  • But other people online weren't completely sold on Prudence's advice.


  • One man wrote that he didn't understand why the dad was in the wrong.

    She might regret it later, he reasoned.

  • And others just couldn't wrap their mind around how his wife could leave her child with her abusive ex.

  • But many agree that they both should come clean: him to his wife and his wife to their children.

    If coming clean is really important to the dad, then he should probably have a conversation with his wife before doing anything else to bury her past. There is no way to do this without a little pain, but it's certainly better than making things worse with a secret of his own.

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