Shameless MIL Wont Stop Guilting Bride Into Dyeing Her Hair So They Don't 'Match'

101dalmatians/iStock.com


101dalmatians/iStock.com

What is it about weddings that brings out the crazy some mothers-in-law? Maybe it's the pressure of throwing a big party or coping with the fact that they are about to "lose" their baby boy, but things can get crazy for some unlucky brides once mama's baby boy puts a ring on it. Just ask one bride-to-be on Reddit who shared her future mother-in-law's insane wedding day request: dyeing her natural red hair before the wedding so that they wouldn't look too similar.

  • According to the bride, she's had to deal attitude from her fiancé's mom before this. 


    In the post, which has since been deleted, the bride explained that future MIL had some "suggestions" about their fall 2019 wedding that she wasn't thrilled about. According to the bride, they already weren't on great terms because the couple had gotten engaged within six months of dating and then moved 1,500 miles away from both of their families, which completely p*ssed off her MIL.

    "Although [her son] was in the military for ten years and hasn’t lived in the same state as her since he was 18, she always had a dream of him moving back home and raising her grandchildren nearby," the bride explained. So once they made the move, her "amicable" MIL quickly changed. "She’s now taking it out on both of us for permanently relocating so far away," she wrote.

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  • But things really took a turn when her MIL sent her an "innocent" text asking about what she planned to do with her hair for her wedding.


    As the bride explained, her MIL messaged her this past weekend, asking her about her wedding day hair ideas. "I sent her back a few hairstyle photos I had saved from Pinterest as inspiration," she wrote. But as the bride continued to tell it, her MIL wasn't worried about whether or not she was going to wear an updo. 

    The "conversation went downhill from there," the bride wrote.

    "No I meant the color!" her MIL wrote back. "What are you going to do about the color of your hair." 

    Surprised, the bride told her that she was not planning on changing her naturally auburn hair color one bit.

    "Nothing?" she texted her MIL back. "This is my natural color and I’ve never altered it chemically. If I ever desire to do so it certainly won’t be right before the most photographed day of my life."

    But her MIL wasn't convinced. "Don’t you think people will think it’s weird you have the same hair color as [your husband]'s mother?" she shot back. "I just don’t want you having to explain it to your family that we match."

    Despite this crazy and passive-aggressive text message exchange, the bride kept her cool. "I don’t think anyone is thinking that," the bride told her. "My whole family has natural red hair and it’s just coincidence that you have yours dyed a color in the same color family. No worries at all!"

    Later in the post, the bride also clarified that their hair shades were nothing alike so they were never in danger of "matching" -- not that it would be a problem for more than one person to share a hair color on her wedding day. "Think Red from Orange is the New Black... that’s basically her hair color and style," she explained.

    But of course this wasn't the end of the saga...

  • Two days later, her MIL finally responded and said that she can't get past the fact that she won't dye her hair. 


    "I’m still upset you’re not listening to me about your hair color. I really don’t want anyone judging us for matching. Please reconsider," her MIL wrote. "It makes me uncomfortable that you’d be willing to keep the same color as me when you’re marrying my son."

    Showing more patience than many of us would in the same situation, the bride responded, "I’m sorry about that but I don’t think it’s on anyone’s radar that we match. I wouldn’t overthink it!"

    Which is when her MIL tried another tactic. "It is because my sister already said it would be hard to tell you and I apart in a family wedding photo. I just don't want to put [my son] in an uncomfortable position," the MIL replied. 

    Obviously no one is going to get confused about who the bride is at her own wedding (she's the one in the big, white dress!), but now the bride is concerned about how to handle the situation from here. 

    "Is she really implying that her son is somehow going to be sexually attracted to her because we have the same hair?" she asked people online. "Any advice is appreciated!"

  • People online had some strong opinions about what the bride should tell her MIL.


  • Your MIL "wants attention" one person commented.

  • Is she going to hit up everyone else in your family too? wrote somebody else.

  • And a couple of people were concerned that her MIL would show up wearing white to the nuptials. Or worse, a wedding dress.

    Many people urged the bride to share the text messages with her fiancé immediately, but the bride turned down the advice. She explained that her fiancé had been on furlough during the government shutdown and "he's stressed enough." She added that he's been speaking to a therapist daily, so she didn't want to burden him with this problem.

    "My gut says it can wait," she explained. "I will absolutely share with him in the future. Today is not the day."

  • But hours later, the bride's MIL wrote to her again to try and get her to change her hair color.


    "I want you to have all the attention you deserve on your big day," her MIL tried again. "I’m looking out for you and don’t want anyone feeling uncomfortable that the mother of the groom and bride look alike."

    Taking advice from some of the people in the thread, the bride decided to try a few of their tactics while still being polite to her MIL. "I’m confident our hair color won’t be on anyone’s mind during the reception," the bride responded. "I’m proud to come from a family of all redheads and I think it’s great you blend in with us as well!" 

    She then asked her MIL what "specifically" her sister had said about the two of them matching. "If you send me her number I’d love to speak to her to clear things up if you’d like!" she added.

    Which caused her MIL to play a little defense. "You do not need to talk with her because other family members agreed it’s awkward for everyone that we match," she answered. 

    Still being much too kind to her MIL, the bride reminded her that "hair color is such a small aspect of matching someone. Our outfits will be completely different and I don’t think it’s awkward for anyone! I’m also happy to speak with these other family members if they have any concerns!" she added.

  • Then her MIL brought out the big guns: her cancer diagnosis.


    That's right, this MIL really went there and kept trying to add to the guilt. "I have had this hair color since I survived chemo in 2013. I am proud to have my red hair because there was a point in my life where I didn’t even know if I was going to be alive for my son’s wedding let alone have hair for it!!" she wrote.

    "You weren’t there for him during his deployments like we were. You don’t understand how big this day is for all of us now that he’s home safe. You’re marrying his family, not him," she continued. "I will not be told I cannot have red hair at my son’s wedding."

    Confused, the bride reread her texts to make sure she hadn't accidentally told her MIL to change her hair color, but she never did. 

    "I don’t recall ever saying you shouldn’t have red hair at our wedding. Did someone else give you the idea that I want you to dye your hair?" she asked. "I’d love to help you pick out the perfect dress to compliment your red survivor hair that you’re so proud of! I know we both look good in green and blue!"

    "It was implied that one of us has to dye it," her MIL shot back. "But since you're not budging, you think it should be me and I worked so hard for my hair it’s not fair. You can’t do this to me."

    And hysterically, the bride was able to appear appeasing, which had her MIL seeing red (even more than she already was). "The more redheads, the merrier in my opinion!" she told her. "Please don’t let anyone tell you that you should change your hair color and I’ll follow the same advice!"

    Which is when her MIL let slip the real issue: They don't live near her anymore. "Well that’s easy for you to say when you live far away and choose not to be spend time with me or my family anymore, but I have to be here and answer to everyone that is upset we have the same hair color," her MIL responded. "You don’t understand surviving cancer and being proud of it and your son." 

  • At a complete loss for what to do next, the bride said she doesn't even know what they are fighting about anymore.


    Clearly, the conversation was going nowhere and the bride wrote that she wasn't even sure if they were still arguing about hair color. However, her MIL was "still very adamant that she is the center of attention."

    Also her cancer battle? Well she may have played it up a bit. "Not putting down any cancer survivor that fought hard for their life, but according to [my fiancé], she had a positive biopsy in her breast and they found very, very, early stage cancer which was treated with one round of chemo/radiation," the bride shared. She also explained that apparently at the time of her biopsy, her MIL sent out a last will and testament "and told everyone she had minimal time left to live after being told by her medical team that they were almost positive she would have a full recovery with no adverse effects."

    Clearly, her MIL was milking it and just trying to manipulate her. "It’s clear now that everyone was correct about her playing the victim and this is 100 percent about her needing to be the center of attention," the bride concluded. "I’m still at a loss for words for a reply but at least I have an entertaining story for [my fiancé] and you all!"

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