20 Unbelievable Excuses Cheaters Made For Their Behavior

Megan Zander | Jan 16, 2019 Love & Sex
20 Unbelievable Excuses Cheaters Made For Their Behavior
Image: DMEPhotography/iStock

awful excuses from cheaters
DMEPhotography/iStock

All breakups are awful, but finding out that a significant other cheated is the absolute worst. Whether cheaters come come clean on their own or the truth comes to light some other way, such as a friend spilling the secret or the significant other forgets to delete an incriminating text message, finding out that a person we love has been unfaithful is always a gut punch. It's normal and natural to wonder why -- to try and make sense of how something so awful could have happened. But no matter what they say, cheaters never have a good excuse.  

Although having trust in a relationship utterly destroyed by a cheater is never funny, some of the excuses cheaters come up with do try to defend their actions are downright hysterical, and thanks to this genius Reddit thread, we can see them all. 

Some users say the cheaters tried to pretend the whole thing is a giant misunderstanding. "It wasn't me -- they sent it to the wrong number. I don't know them -- that's not my phone," they'll claim. If channeling the Shaggy defense doesn't work (it's hard to disown a sexy selfie when his bedroom is clearly in the background), they might try to flip things around and blame it all on the innocent party. 

Saying they were driven to cheat or that what happened isn't their fault sure isn't the way to try to save a relationship.  But after some time passes, we realize how lucky we were to get out of a bad relationship. And in hindsight, those once sad, bad excuses are something we can laugh at. 

These excuses cheaters gave for their actions are downright awful. Read them and feel instantly better about a bad breakup. 

  • It Runs in the Family

    1
    awful excuses from cheaters
    GeorgeRudy/iStock

    User moneycomet's significant other tried to claim cheating is hereditary. "She said 'My mom cheated on my dad when they first started dating.'"

  • Thanks for Letting Me Know

    2
    User Indy_Pendant's finance had a less than stellar reason for cheating:

    "It's not really cheating because I don't love you anymore. I just think of you as a really good friend."

  • Thanks, Next

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    awful excuses from cheaters
    KatarzynaBialasiewicz/iStock

    User fatshambles' partner thought it would be a comfort for them to know they're not the only one.

    "I've cheated with everyone I've ever been in a relationship with."

  • No Touchie 

    4
    awful excuses from cheaters
    Wavebreakmedia/iStock

    DwightFrank says their ex tried to get off on a technicality. "I wore a condom ... technically, I didn't even touch her!" 

    This dude needs to go back to health class for a refresher course. Sex is sex, with protection or without.

  • This Is a Test

    5
    awful excuses from cheaters
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    Juice_Campbell says their ex tried to put a positive on the indiscretion.

    "I was testing you to see if you'd stay loyal even if I cheated."

    If this is a test, the cheater deserves a giant F.

  • The Blame Game

    6

    User Radio_Caroline says their cheater tried to blame her for what happened. 

    "It's your fault, you drove me to it.

    Me: Taking care of our two kids <3y, working full time, breadwinner, doing the household chores ... so yeah, I was kind of angry/tired all the time.

    Him: working in "music," going to concerts all the time and sleeping in."

    Sorry dude, only Missy Elliot gets to flip it and reverse it. 

  • Life Imitates Art

    7
    awful excuses from cheaters
    PeopleImages/iStock

    ramos1969 had an ex pick one of the worst television ever as #relationshipgoals. 

    "She said, “You’re always so controlling, telling me what I can and can’t do. ”It reminded me of The Office when Michale Scott said to Jan 'You cheated on me when I specifically asked you not to.'"

  • Cheating Is Cheating

    8
    awful excuses from cheaters
    Tirachard/iStock

    Chaotic Father's then-girlfriend needs to learn how many people it takes for a true threesome. 

     "It was with another girl, so not only should it not count, I should be all excited about it."

  • Beware the Shark

    9
    awful excuses from cheaters
    David-Prado/Reddit

    The middle of a breakup isn't the best time to try to be philosophical. But Radio_Demon's ex tried their best when they said this: “She is a shark and you are a rabbit. She took what she wanted and you let this happen to you. Sharks eat rabbits.”

  • Take Me for What I Am

    10
    awful excuses from cheaters
    Deagreez/iStock

    It should go without saying that loving someone for who they are doesn't include being OK with them cheating, but apparently, some people need that spelled out for them. Useful_Amoeba's ex said "Well, you said you love and accept me for who I am with all my flaws! So you also have to accept that I'm sleeping with other women because this is just how I am!"

  • One Foot Out the Door

    11
    awful excuses from cheaters
    IvanBastien/iStock

    Candorio's former partner used a classic "I got caught" line that makes the cheater look like a fool: "I was going to leave you anyway."

  • Preemptive Strike

    12
    awful excuses from cheaters
    stock-eye/iStock

     User Animosus5's was living in a dream world.  "I thought you were cheating on me, so I got revenge!"

    Maybe just ask next time?

  • Worst Friend Ever

    13
    awful excuses from cheaters
    AleksandarNakic/iStock

    User dawgdoggodoggy's ex chose the worst way possible to handle a fight. 

    "We argued that day so he slept with my (at the time) close friend."

  • The Poem Made Me Do It

    14
    awful excuses from cheaters
    ateefee/Reddit

    User ateefee said their ex tried to claim it wasn't cheating because of ... art?  

    "When I caught him he, he referred to a poem that I shared with him a few months prior. He said, 'remember' the great, blue sky of unspecified desire? Remember when I agreed with that line?' He thought we agreed to sleep with other people ... because poetry. "

  • Mature Men

    15
    awful excuses from cheaters
    Anchiy/iStock

    User jboogietime handled the news of his girlfriend cheating like an #adult. 

    "I was dating this girl for about 6 months when she said her boyfriend was coming back from Afghanistan. She never brought him up because she thought we were keeping it casual, it might ruin the mood, and she didn't think I would mind. Found the guy, told him what happened and he was cool. Said he figured it was happening anyways so he wasn't to upset about it."

    We really hope these two guys went on to become best buds. 

  • I Have Needs

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    awful excuses from cheaters
    DMEPhotography/iStock

    Cheating is bad. Cheating on a pregnant wife is a whole other level of awful, as Cygnus875 learned first hand. 

    "My ex-husband, 21 years ago. I was pregnant with our son. At 5 months I was 3 cm dilated and had already had my labor stopped several times. I was on bed rest and told no sex. He felt completely justified in going out and finding some. He never would concede that it was cheating. It was my job to take care of his needs and he felt completely within his rights to get it elsewhere if I refused."

  • No Job, No Love

    17
    awful excuses from cheaters
    Urilux/iStock

    Now, I'm not saying kickasstimus's former girlfriend is a gold digger, but...

    “'You don’t have a job.'

    True. I had been ‘between jobs’ for about 2 months. That was enough for her to toss out the marriage and sleep with her boss. I was ok with it -- she was insane.

    Two weeks later, I filed for divorce. One week after that got a job paying double my old salary. Never looked back."

  • Worst Excuse Ever

    18
    awful excuses from cheaters
    krblokhin/iStock

     User cjldvm says: "After hiring a private investigator and having my husband (at the time) followed and catching him coming out of a hotel with a woman, among other atrocious financial crimes, I asked why he did it and all he could come up with was ‘because you picked at your food.’ My friends and I still joke about that to this day!"

    That's seriously the best reason he could come up with?

  • Lonely Boy

    19

    Phlyc's ex apparently hasn't ever heard of FaceTime. 

    "I went away on a field trip with uni for a week. Came back to find out he'd slept with two other women. His excuse? 'I missed you. I was lonely without you and couldn't cope. You shouldn't have left me alone.' Ugh, there was so much wrong with that man, and that relationship."

  • Written in the Stars

    20

    "My horoscope made me do it," is never a good reason to cheat, but MathMXC 's ex tried it anyway. 

    "She blamed cheating on Mars being in retrograde."

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