15 People Share the One Thing They Wish They Knew Before Getting Married

Kathleen Wong | Dec 7, 2017 Love & Sex
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  • Unexpected expectations

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    "We had been married for a couple months when my husband came to me saying he had something he needed to tell me. Hesitating, he blurted out, 'I'm addicted to ... pound cake.' It seems his mother had been touted 'Queen of Pound Cake,' and as his wife, this task now appeared to have fallen to me. Right then and there, I realized that there were going to be a lot of things in our marriage that I would be expected to know and do." -Carol G. 

  • Daddy issues

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    "I was in my early 20s, insecure, impressionable. He was in his early 30s, tall, dark, and handsome, multimillionaire. He chose me. I thought I would never do 'better.' ... I was looking for Daddy's love, security and attention. No regrets because of all I learned." -Allana P.

  • It's not 50-50.

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    "Marriage is not 50-50; it's 100 percent-100 percent!" -Stephanie M.

  • Quality time

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    "[I wish I'd known] how crucial six-month check-ins (vacation weekends every six months to get and stay on the same page as a couple) and taking 15 minutes a day to connect through talking and spending time together [are]." -John D. 

    More from CafeMom: Married Couples Reveal How Many Times a Week They Have Sex
  • The roles of marriage

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    "I wish I knew what his perceptions really were in terms of how he views a wife." -Jeanine W.

  • Compromise is key

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    "[One thing that is] different is my willingness to compromise has increased. Frankly, it's because any unhappiness I cause my wife will ultimately become my own unhappiness as we are in it for the long haul." -Prince B.

  • Love vs. compatibility

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    "I wish I knew that it wasn’t about 'love' … what’s love got to do with it? It has everything to do with compatibility." -Zondra W.

  • Opening up

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    "I wish I understood the extent of vulnerability I would need on a daily basis to have a truly authentic experience in my marriage." -Belkis C.

  • Honest communication

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    "Everyone thinks that if you truly love someone, marriage should be easy. It’s not. Melding two people into one has its bumps and wrinkles. You need to be completely honest. Example: most people don’t discuss their views on discipline of children. This was the hardest thing for me and hubby to agree on in the beginning. But we talked through every aspect of it. We worked together to come up with a game plan we both agreed on." -Kandi M.

  • Be wary of jealousy

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    "If they are jealous of your accomplishments in the early stages of your relationship, they have insecurities about their own accomplishments, which often results in their continually squashing your dreams or goals. You want a supportive partner in all aspects of your life together." -Susan M.

    More from CafeMom: 5 Reasons Marriage Engagements Should Be Longer Than One Year

  • Having your own space

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    "[I wish I'd known] how important it is to take personal space even when you're combining lives. You need to retain a part of your individual self even when you are sharing everything. Otherwise, you lose track of things you (and just you) love to do and stop doing them." -Gauri S.

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