'Tindstagramming' Is the Latest Ugly Online Dating Trend That Needs to Die Right Now

woman looking on her phone

Dating in this day and age isn't easy. Time and time again, we hear about how technology has eroded the way we communicate, and how we all live online now -- which, of course, has extended into the dating sphere too. Inevitably, our social media lives have now collided with our online dating profiles in an annoying, ugly, and harassing way. 


It's called "Tindstagramming," and it's the combination of two ubiquitous digital platforms: Tinder and Instagram. New York magazine defined it as "the act of sneaking into someone's Instagram DMs after failing to match with them on Tinder." Tinder now lets you connect various social profiles together, like your Spotify and Instagram accounts.

Basically, you swipe left on someone (which is a "no, thanks" in Tinder-speak), but that person feels entitled enough to online stalk you, slide into your DMs, and then harrass you, despite the fact that you didn't match with said person for a reason.
"How are you?" one "Tindstagrammer" wrote to Lindsay Bluth, according to her Twitter. "I saw your profile on Tinder and I wanted to drop you a line and say hello."
But it's not always asking for a date; sometimes the messages are rude reactions to being rejected. (Oh, the fragile male ego.)
"They definitely come across as super douchey, and obviously don't respect boundaries when they message you even though you didn't match," Madison Killian told New York mag. "The one that I did respond to, he got so angry that I turned him down that he wrote a fake Craigslist ad and posted my Instagram, and I woke up to like 15 horny dudes messaging me."

The increasing ways our lives have become accessible online means that the potential communication doesn't just end with a swipe left -- rather, online creeps are bothering these women for longer than usual. One woman, Katie Meuser, was "honestly shocked" that she received DMs for two years after politely telling a guy that she wasn't interested. 
Clearly, there's some non-consent going on, and most of us are probably wondering who in their right mind would do this. One NYC-based "Tindstagrammer" told the magazine that he would write down girls' Instagram handles in case they didn't match, this way he could follow up with them. His success rate was about two or three out of 30. "Part of a good game is not giving a f-ck and doing everything you can to meet women," he said.
Another "Tindstagrammer," who lives in Tel Aviv, Israel, told the mag that when he messages someone on Instagram, it helps show another layer of who he is, while Tinder profiles are too limited. 
Unfortunately, these "Tindstagrammers" are missing the point. A "no," even if it's just a left swipe, should still be regarded as a "no," and invading someone's other spaces, even virtually, is crossing a boundary in a predatory and unsafe way. Sure, the Internet makes it easier to meet others and show off your latest brunch, but it's up to people to drop the misogynistic dating attitudes and stop harrassing women. It's definitely a better tactic to getting people to go out with you, if you ask me. 
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