21 Women Confess Why They Stayed Married After He Cheated
My friend L. has been married for over a decade. Her husband is a sweet guy and they seemed happy. So I was stunned when I heard that they'd separated after she found out he'd cheated. I was even more stunned when she took him back two months later. How could she ever learn to trust or love him again after this kind of betrayal? L. explained that even though she had always sworn she'd never stay with a man who cheated on her, living that reality was more complicated than she expected.
For L., splitting up wasn't simple. They had kids together, a mortgage, and many years of shared history. She still loved him -- even though she kind of wanted to kill him. They did the whole counseling thing together, and he slept on the couch for months. That was two years ago and I have to admit they seem solid and happy now.
Deciding whether to kick a cheater to the curb or to take him back is an intensely personal choice. In some ways, it can be easier to understand the stories that end in divorce, which is why we decided to talk to some women who made the choice to stay. We know it happens, and we wanted to understand why,
We promised to protect these women's privacy, and they promised to tell the real story of why they stayed married after discovering their husbands' infidelity. The reasons might be surprising, but all of them are brutally honest.
Forever Changed
"Finding out he had an affair was like a bomb that exploded our whole lives. We spent a year putting the pieces back together. One of the things that changed was that I started thinking more about what I really wanted and needed. I'd been so out of the habit of taking care of myself. Now I'm swimming again, which I love, and taking more time for myself. I'm forever changed by his actions, but maybe for the better?" -- J.B.
An Understanding
"My husband was a professional athlete and we're lucky to have a really nice life. But when you have a husband like mine, you kind of have to have an understanding, you know? The trade-off for the money and the lifestyle is that he is a magnet for potential side-chicks. I don't ask any more. I don't want to know because I want to keep my husband and my life." -- S.T.
Trapped
"I'm still married but I feel trapped. We moved far away from our families for grad school and we have a new baby. I'm too overwhelmed to think about what it would take to get divorced right now. But maybe that will change. Or maybe we'll get through this. I don't really know." -- F.S.
Good Man
"It's still really hard to reconcile the fact that my husband is a great dad and a good man and someone who has cheated on me twice in our 15-year marriage. I blame myself, sometimes, for not being a very sexual person. I blame him too, of course. But I just haven't lost hope that our family can stay intact." -- I.L.
Cultural Difference
"I met my husband when I was doing a study abroad trip in Italy. He's cute, charming, and Italian. He's a flirt and I think on some level he just thinks men are entitled to a little freedom to mess around on the side. I think it's a cultural thing. I stay because I love him the most. His charms work on me too." -- E.B.