This Mom Says 'Afterplay' Is the Key to Having Satisfying Sex After Kids

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couple getting frisky
Dean Drobot/Shutterstock

Keeping the spark alive is no easy feat. According to a 2016 Finnish study, women in long-term monogamous relationships will experience a drop in sex drive over the course of seven years, especially if they're in the same relationship. When we keep hearing about those folks who do have sex like bunnies, we often end up feeling even worse about our own sex lives. 

Don't throw in the towel just yet -- Australian mom blogger Constance Hall pondered the same thing, and went to "divine sex doctor" Dr. Nikki Goldstein for answers.  

  • The problem, according to Hall, is that women don't feel considered by their partner, especially since women are arguably busier than ever nowadays.

    More from CafeMom: Parents Really Are Having Less Sex Than Ever & It's Not Going to Change Anytime Soon

    She asked why would anyone be in the mood "when someone leaves muddy footprints on the floor you just swept, or comes back from work before you but doesn't put dinner on, or slept in while you did school run."

    "Not me," she added. "You can stick to wanking and so will I."

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  • But that's not all. "Another problem is the lack of importance put on the female orgasm," she said.

    She compared having heterosexual sex when the woman doesn't orgasm to "both of you getting dressed up for an amazing day out, you get on the train, it stops at the place ... but only he gets out." 

    Studies confirmed this dismal metaphor, with only 75 percent of women in relationships experiencing orgasms -- and only 40 percent if it's during casual sex.

  • So what's there to do? Afterplay -- i.e., the time and effort to make sure all partners involved get off.

    "I know, it's hard to accept that the glorious penis rarely finishes the job," Hall wrote.

    But instead of ending sex when men ejaculate, it's important to take the time, possibly using fingers, mouths, and sex toys, to get the ladies off too. 

  • On that note, let's just consider "life is foreplay."

    "Remeber that, blokes, help us, give us some non-sexual physical touch and above all, consider us," she wrote. "Because what you do out of the bedroom is going to impact what we do in it."

    More from CafeMom: This Is the Literal Exact Hour You Should Have Sex, According to Science

  • Now, off you go to fore- and afterplay.

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