There Are Now Stickers That Seal the Penis During Sex -- but Do They Work?

man with hands folded over crotch area
iStock.com/twinsterphoto
Though condoms protect people from STIs and unwanted pregnancy, there are many people who try to worm their way out of using one. The most recent and bizarre "solution" according to Teen Vogue? A goddamn penis sticker.  

  • Startup company Jiftip invented a sticker that clings to the tip of the penis, sealing the urethra, to prevent a total "jizz-fest."

    Jiftip
    Jiftip

    (Yes, that is the *actual* guarantee.)

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  • In a graphic video, which I kindly spared you from, you can see the seal creates an airtight shield so couples can enjoy less messy sex.

    Jiftip
    Jiftip

    However, it comes at a price -- several prices, in fact. 

  • For one, Jiftip admits that removal is pretty painful.

    Jiftip
    iStock.com/b-d-s

    Don't worry, though, "you quickly build a tolerance to it -- like drinking a beer, strange at first, suddenly you're addicted. MEN FEEL, BOYS SQUEAL."

    (And yes, this is an actual quote from the actual site.) 

  • Secondly, and most importantly, it really doesn't have any benefits other than less cleanup post-intercourse.

    The company admits this is strictly a novelty product. It doesn't prevent pregnancy, nor does it protect you from any STIs.

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    "WILL IT WORK? How can you know? How can anyone know? Until they try," the website says.

    Not really a risk worth taking, I'd wager.

  • Plus, several experts have firmly advised people against using this product altogether.

    "It is essentially a patch that goes over the urethra and if he were to ejaculate it would either come off or he would potentially have a retrograde-ejaculation," Dr. Lauren Streicher, an associate clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University, told NBC.

    Which, incidentally, can lead to infertilty. 

  • Uhhh, we're good.

    Condoms will do just fine for us, thanks.