Lifestyle

12 Women Share What It's Like To Marry a Much Older (or Younger) Man

LifestylePublished Sep 28, 2023
By Wendy Robinson
Age gapTraci B, jacoblund/iStock

When it comes to marriage, is age really just a number? Statistically, most couples in the United States are usually pretty close in age, with one a 2.3-year gap between them (and, yes, usually the husband is the slightly older one). But there are, and always have been, couples who are separated by much bigger gaps than that, including those who might even be decades younger or older than their partner.

Love and marriage are always complicated, and the truth is that having a big age difference can sometimes add another layer of challenge.

We talked to 12 women who are in relationships with large age gaps to find out what makes their relationships work and what they wish people understood about why love is love, even for people who are born years apart!

More from CafeMom: 16 Moms Confess the Wildest Places They've Gotten Frisky

1/12
Young at Heart-placeholder
Young at Heart
Tracy B.

Young at Heart

"I am 49 and my boyfriend is 26, so it's a 24-year age difference. To us it doesn't make any difference. He's a bit of an old soul and I am definitely young-at-heart and have tons of energy (too much for men my own age, usually). We have been dating for almost two years and the age thing has never been an issue for us.

"I have a few friends that don't understand how it works but some get it. People assume that we won't really have much in common or that we won't get each other's cultural references but he's seen a lot of '80s movies and I have a teenager and work in social media so I'm up on most trends. We totally get each other and also have really great chemistry so it works well for both of us." — Tracy B., Los Angeles

2/12
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Same Values
Alison T.

Same Values

"We have a 15-year age difference. For me, our marriage of nearly 33 years works (and has always worked) because we have similar values (trust, loyalty, commitment in the tough times, faith, and lots of laughter).

"I had many people 'warn' me that Brian would age and I would be left either widowed early or frustrated by an aging partner who couldn't or wouldn't want to participate in things that interested me. Pleased to report that isn't an issue — I think quality/satisfaction/team work/joy/retaining a positive attitude to life in a relationship is much more important than longevity in any case.

"Each season of our life together has had its ups and downs, but we've gone through them together." — Alison, Auckland, New Zealand

3/12
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It Works!
Stefani S.

It Works!

"My husband and I are 20 years apart — I am 30 and he is 50. We have been together four years. We got married last year in Ireland and it was the best day of my life. 

"When we met I had no idea the age difference was so huge; he looks really good for his age! We share many similarities and interests! I think common misconceptions are that there is a secret to making things work with an age gap. If it works for you it works for you!" — Stefani S., Sarasota, Florida

More from CafeMom: 20 Celebrity Couples With a Huge Age Difference Between Them

4/12
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Facing the Future
jacoblund/iStock

Facing the Future

"My husband is more than 25 years older than me and, let me be honest, sometimes it does make a difference. Sometimes I get scared when I think about the future. He is getting ready to retire and I'm still midway through my career. I wonder what will happen if he gets sick or disabled. We have two young kids and the thought of raising them alone scares me.

"But I love him and he is my favorite person." — Name withheld by request

5/12
Positive Impact-placeholder
Positive Impact
Yuri G.

Positive Impact

"I am 32 years old and happily married to a man who is 50 years old. 

"The age difference impacts our relationship in a positive way. Since my husband is 17 years older than me, he has more experience and already knows what he wants, has very clear goals and he is not wasting my time. Also, I find our relationship more emotionally stable than it would be with a younger man." — Yuri G., Katy, Texas

6/12
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Better Together
piola666/iStock

Better Together

"I did not want to fall for my partner. We met on a hiking trip and I called him 'kid' for five miles, which he hated. I'm 13 years older than him and I worry that he's giving up things by being with me. I have a child from my first marriage but the ship has sailed on us having kids together and I hope he doesn't regret that later. 

But we're better together than we are apart and I can't imagine life without him." — Emily T., Saint Paul, Minnesota

7/12
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Making It Work
Hreni/iStock

Making It Work

"My husband is 20 years older than me and my parents didn't approve. Partially it was the age and partially it was because this was his fourth marriage. They actually didn't come to the wedding, which hurt a lot. 

"Facing the judgment and disapproval from my family was a tough way to start but we're making it work." — Lael D., San Diego, California

8/12
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Together Again?
Alyce B.

Together Again?

"Oddly enough, I was 13 years older than my son's father and my husband is 13 years older than me. 

"We separated a few years ago but are (sort of) getting back together. He had moved to Wisconsin and he is moving back. We are gonna give it a go. Our age difference didn't have anything to do with our separation though. We aren't a traditional success story." — Alyce C.

9/12
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The Big Question
SolStock/iStock

The Big Question

"The most annoying part of having a husband who is 18 years older than me is that WAY TOO MANY people feel comfortable asking questions about our sex life. News flash, people: 55-year-old guys still want to have sex, no Viagra required!" — Jamie J., Tucson, Arizona 

More from CafeMom: 5 Reasons to Marry a Younger Man

10/12
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Tough Choices
gacooksey/iStock

Tough Choices

"I wish people knew that you can't help who you love and that most couples with a big age difference probably talked a lot about what they'd be facing. Like, I wasn't unaware that there would be tough choices that came with marrying someone two decades older than me. Like, for us, we decided that we'd only have one child and we'd have her right away so my husband would have as much time with her as possible. 

"In a perfect world, I wanted three or four kids. But I'd rather have one kid with him than have three kids with someone my own age." — Autumn D., Des Moines, Iowa

11/12
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Stay Tight
Cecilie_Arcurs/iStock

Stay Tight

"My husband is 14 years younger than me. It actually inspires me to try to take really good care of myself. Not only am I trying to keep things tight as a tiger, but I want to live as long as I can so we can have the most time together as possible." — Jessie M., Clearwater, Florida

12/12
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Same Fights
Sezeryadigar/iStock

Same Fights

"My husband is 19 years older than me but I honestly forget about it sometimes. When I compare our live to the lives of my friends who are married to people the same age, they look basically the same. We have the same fights and struggles as everyone else. We fight about money and the kids, all the usual stuff. 

"We're just a basic couple, you know? I'm not a trophy wife and I don't have daddy issues! I just love this one person." — Sarah T., Oakdale, Minnesota

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