5 Anal Sex Tips That Have Nothing to Do With Pleasing 'Your Man'

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Not so long ago, anal was something only "outliers" did -- and they certainly didn't talk about it. Now, it's a sex act even Gwyneth Paltrow's openly gabbing about.


The, uh, back story to anal's popularity isn't a shocker.

"Men often report that it's pleasurable because the anus feels tighter and historically the act has been seen as forbidden,” says Rhonda Milrad, LCSW, ABS certified clinical sexologist, founder of the online relationship community Relationup, and a relationship therapist.

But it's not just men who are into it. "Anal sex can be particularly pleasurable for women because the anus has thousands of nerve endings," Milrad notes, "[and] the wall that separates the vagina and anus is very thin."

As a result, some women find the anal position gives them the "greatest opportunity" for their G-spot to be stimulated, adds Milrad.


Here's how to make it work for you:

Use plenty of lube.

"Your anus is not self-lubricating," points out Kenna Cook, a sexual health educator and pleasure professional at O.school. "Using lube is extremely important for increasing pleasure."

Hybrid lubricants that mix silicone and water won't dry out as quickly, Cook points out.

"Silicone-based lubes are more slippery and longer lasting, but you can even use coconut oil if you prefer something more natural," she says.

Allow time to play.

"Before you try anything close to a penis, start with inserting a finger or two," advises Cook. "You can even get a butt plug and wear it during foreplay to help expand and relax your muscles."

More from CafeMom: 10 Women on the Sexy Thing They Tried Once and Vowed 'Never Again'

Get turned on first.

"Focus on sexual stimulation prior to trying anal sex," Cook says. "Whether through oral sex or masturbation, being sexually turned on helps your body relax." (And that includes the muscles around your anus and pelvic floor.)


Like super, super SUPER slow.

"You need to work your way up slowly in terms of intensity and friction," Cook advises. "Remember to take deep breaths and communicate honesty with your partner."

Keep clean.

Averse to anal because of the hygiene factor? Cook says some people do a warm water enema a few hours before to clean out their lower bowels. Not feeling the idea of a heavy pre-sex prep? "You can also keep baby wipes handy for any cleanup, and talk to your partner about your fears," she says.

Remember: Everyone has different things they like -- and don't like -- in the bedroom. "Enjoying anal sex doesn't make you weird," Cook assures.

But if you give it a try and STILL don't feel it's your thing?

"Just say so," says Cook. "You have control over your body and what you do with it sexually. If anal isn't for you, that's 100 percent okay! That decision should be respected and honored by anyone that you choose to have sex with."

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