10 Women Share Why They Chose to Become Moms Before Wives

Wendy Robinson | Jun 14, 2017 Love & Sex
10 Women Share Why They Chose to Become Moms Before Wives
Image: iStock.com/freemixer

bride with kids

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage? Well, maybe not. According to some new research, more couples, especially millennials, are deciding that having kids first is the way to go. 

There's no doubt that it can be really sweet to have your kids at your wedding -- mine are still pretty bitter that they weren't invited to ours, even though it happened years before they were born. But beyond the cute wedding factor, there are a lot of reasons why women choose to go the "mom first" route.

So we talked to 10 women who were moms before they were brides and got them to share why that was the perfect order to start their families. From financial reasons to fertility concerns, read on for stories that prove once again that there is no wrong way to make a family. 

  • Family Time

    bride and groom with kids

    "I actually really love our wedding photos because they are true family pictures. We have two kids and we were already a family but the wedding was a nice milestone. 

    "We opted not to get married until gay marriage was legal, which was really important to me because my sister is a lesbian and I didn't think it was fair that I had a right that she didn't. Now she is married and so am I!" -- Wren D., Henderson, Nevada

  • Timing Is Everything

    girl looking up at mom

    "I got pregnant after my now-husband and I had been dating for all of three months. I knew I liked him but I was SO not ready for marriage. 

    "We got married when our daughter was 3 and it was great. It was the right timing for us. We'd rushed into parenthood (not on purpose!) but I was glad we didn't rush into marriage." -- Courtney R., Fridley, Minnesota 

  • No Wedding Drama

    bride and groom shoes

    "I think having to be both the bride and a mom at my wedding kept me from being a bridezilla. I kept our wedding simple and very child-friendly because I knew our kids would be there, obviously, and I think it made it a more fun day overall. 

    "So, kids before wedding = less drama for this mama!" -- Stacey D., Franklin, Tennessee

  • Fixed First

    fighting couple woman crying

    "Marvin and I were broken up when I found out I was pregnant. We were both young and immature. We probably would have gone our separate ways if it wasn't for our son. We had to figure out how to co-parent with each other, so we went to a family counselor. We eventually started spending a lot of time with each other as a family and got back together. 

    "We got married last year and it was great. It is great. We fixed all our big relationship drama before we got married and I already know what he is like as a dad, so I think we've had a better first year of marriage than a lot of my friends have had." -- Monica D., Houston, Texas

  • Time Matters

    mom carrying daughter on shoulders

    "My husband and I met when I was 42. I knew for sure that I wanted to have a baby but I wasn't as sure if marriage was something that I wanted. Given that time wasn't on my side in terms of babies, we started trying to get pregnant about six months after we started dating. I was sure he'd be a great dad before I was sure he'd be a great husband. 

    "We had our daughter two years ago and got married this spring. It was the right order for us because time matters when you are over 40." -- Priya A., Riverside, California

  • Ready or Not

    mom holding happy toddler

    "I got pregnant when I was 17. I wasn't ready for a baby or marriage. The baby was coming, ready or not, but I wasn't going to make that situation worse by getting married. 

    "We did eventually get married, but not until we were actually ready. In a perfect world maybe we would have done the traditional way, but this worked out okay for us." -- Jessie M., Tampa, Florida

    More from CafeMom: Radical Acceptance: The Secret to a Happy Marriage With Kids

  • Sexy Dad

    groom and little girl

    "Seeing my husband as a dad is so sexy and having our kids in the wedding was just plain fun. I have zero regrets about doing things in the 'wrong' order, as much as it bugged our families." -- Kim N., Coralville, Iowa

  • Marriage Doesn't Matter

    happy family

    "Real talk: I don't actually give a sh-t about being married. Tom and I are a family, no matter what a piece of paper says. We were a family when we decided to have kids. We only got married for some boring financial reasons. No matter what happens, we're bonded through our kids way more than through our wedding." -- Lisa F., Saint Paul, Minnesota 

  • Not by Choice

    lesbian couple with kids

    "We only had kids first because we didn't have a choice! Once gay marriage became legal, we got hitched. We had kids not knowing if we'd ever be able to get married, but I'm glad we could and I'm glad the kids were there." -- Kari W., Provo, Utah 

    More from CafeMom: 13 Men Give Their Brutally Honest Thoughts About Marriage

  • Growing Together

    pregnant woman in overalls

    "Marriage feels like less stress for us because we've already done a lot of the hard stuff together. We've parented, we've dealt with a miscarriage, we've moved four times. We've really grown up together. We're solid because we've done things on our own time frame, not anyone else's." -- Blair D., Milo, Iowa 

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