16 Things That Made These Single Moms Kick Their New Dude to the Curb

Wendy Robinson | Jun 9, 2017 Love & Sex

unhappy couple on couch

We all know dating can be tough, but dating as a mom puts everything on a whole other level. Not only does she have to find someone she can connect with, but she also have to worry about adding kids, an often exes, to the mix, and that puts a ton of additional pressure on a new relationship. It's not easy, but sometimes it means we let go of iffy dating situations a lot faster than we did before kids. 

Whether a mom is single, divorced, or widowed, the desire to find a good partner is real. But no matter what their desires are, dating moms often aren't afraid to kick someone new to the curb if that person isn't someone who is going to be an awesome addition to their kids' lives. Simply put, mama ain't got time for that.

More from CafeMom: 12 Brutally Honest Rules for Dating a Single Mom

In order to help other single and dating moms spot some of the red flags to avoid heartache, we talked to 16 moms who were all trying to find Mr. Right but ended up finding Mr. Oh-So-Wrong instead. Read on for all the cringey reasons why these moms just had to bail on their new relationships. We couldn't make this stuff up! 

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  • They Have Names


    "I went on four or five dates with a guy who was cute and seemed promising. But then I realized that he couldn't remember my kids' names! Like I told him at least six times and he just kept calling them 'the kids' or 'your spawn.' Dude, no. They have names. I don't need you to be step-dad ready, but at least have some level of interest in knowing this one basic thing about them." -- Tasha R., Newport, Rhode Island

  • Legal, Barely


    "I was checking my email on his laptop and snooped into his history. It was FILLED with links to 'barely legal' porn. Tons of pictures of girls who look super young. 

    "I have two daughters who are 14 and 16. NOPE. NOPE. NOPE. I never spoke to him again." -- Name withheld by request

  • Little and Loud


    "My new man friend came over for the first time to meet my kids. We were having drinks on the porch while my kids played outside. I thought it was going okay but then he got this look on his face and blurted out, 'Are they always this f*cking loud?' 

    "Um, yes? They are kids. And they weren't even being that loud! Later he admitted that he just 'kind of hates kids.'" -- Brynn M., Urbana, Illinois 

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  • Debt Drama


    "I was just starting to really like this guy I met online when we started talking about college, which led to talking about student loans. He very casually mentioned that he had over $100K in student loan debt but that he was way behind on payments.

    "That's a total red flag for me. I don't do financial irresponsibility. I just can't see long-term potential for someone who can't manage their money. I have kids to take care of and I'm not going to take care of a grown-ass man who can't cover his own bills." -- Lauren V., Saint Paul, Minnesota 

  • Ex Mess


    "My divorce was messy but my ex and I have worked hard to figure out how to co-parent. The first guy I dated and started to get serious with after our divorce seemed great, but he could not be in the same room as my ex. They couldn't stand each other and almost came to blows at my daughter's birthday party. 

    "I had to break it off with him. I can't have that kind of mess around my kids and since I can't ask their dad to not be in the picture, he had to go." -- Val D., Marietta, Georgia

  • Parental Guidance Suggested


    "The guy I was dating thought it would be a good idea to let my 4-year-old watch mixed martial arts on TV. I don't even let my kid watch Power Rangers! I'm just not down with someone who thinks letting kids see violence is an okay idea." -- Sharon D., Omaha, Nebraska

  • Um, Ew


    "My ex and I broke up while I was pregnant. I started dating again when my daughter was about 6 months old, which was weird in some ways. Sometimes I wouldn't mention that I was a mom. Once, I mentioned that I had a baby and the guy I was with started asking me WAY too many questions about whether or not I was breastfeeding. It was creepy." -- Heather M., Maplewood, Minnesota

  • Instant Dad


    "It was so hard to get into dating after my husband died. I was really careful about making sure my kids were fine and ready before I went on my first date. I met someone online and we started seeing each other. One thing that was odd was that he seemed a little too into the fact that I had kids. He was really pushing wanting to meet them right away and after only after a month or so he told me he was ready to be a stepdad

    "Slow your roll, dude. It was just disconcerting. We didn't go out again." -- Anna N., Grimes, Iowa

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  • 420 Guy


    "I'm pretty open-minded but I just can't with the guys who smoke pot every day. The danger of living in Colorado is that there are A LOT of guys who smoke up on the daily. I just don't want that around my kids. I wouldn't date someone who smoked tobacco every day either. 

    "I feed my kids organic applesauce, for crying out loud! I can't deal with drugs, legal or otherwise." -- Mandy B., Boulder, Colorado

  • Third Time


    "I went on two dates with a guy who I knew was divorced. On our third date, he mentioned that his most recent divorce was actually his third divorce. 

    "I don't actually want to get married again, at least right now, but I can't imagine getting serious with someone who was a clear flight risk. Three divorces by the age of 41? That kind of instability isn't something I need with kids and a job and enough other stuff to worry about." -- Gayle L., Hobbs, New Mexico 

  • Not Funny


    "I flat dumped someone for making a racist joke. I have a zero tolerance policy about that, especially for anyone who might be around my daughter." -- Zoey T., Norman, Oklahoma

  • Marriage Minded


    "I'm a single mom. I had my son when I was 17 and I've never been married. I'd like to be someday. I'd like my son to have the traditional family someday. So my red flag moment was when the guy I was seeing said he never, ever wanted to get married. 

    "I didn't want to get married tomorrow. But I want to know it is an option." -- Carly W., Greensboro, North Carolina

  • Pic Problem


    "The guy I was seeing sent me a few dick pics. I deleted them and asked him not to send them again. My kids play with my phone every day and I don't need them to see a random penis if they accidentally open my messages. 

    "The next day I got three new dirty pictures. That was a total red flag moment, right? Not only was it not respecting my boundaries, but it was like he didn't care that my kids might see them." -- Amy A., Glendale, Arizona

  • Too Needy


    "I work full-time and have three kids, a dog with special needs, and a never-ending to-do list. I went on a dating site just to find a friend-with-benefits kind of deal. Sex is a stress reliever when everything gets too intense.

    "I found a hot 28-year-old who seemed totally up for an older MILF type, but then he turned out to be totally needy. He wanted to talk on the phone every day and constantly wanted my attention. I don't have a lot of extra attention to give right now. I just can't deal. I just want some sex!" -- Name withheld by request

  • Anti What?


    "He was an anti-vaxxer. He gave me such a hard time about my getting boosters for my daughter. Nope. Don't question my parenting, especially when you are so wrong." -- Katie K., Saint Paul, Minnesota 

  • The Traveler


    "Jessie was so cute and so nice and I reallly liked him. But his passion was traveling. He loved to go backpack in foreign countries and worked as a ski pro during the winter so he could have his summers free to bum around Asia.

    "I had 4-year-old twins. That combo was never going to work long-term. It wasn't a bad red flag. It was just a red flag for dating someone with a kid." -- Beth T., Denver, Colorado

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