12 Women Bust the Myth That Your Partner Should Be Your BFF

Wendy Robinson | Apr 5, 2017 Love & Sex

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When it comes to really understanding me, my husband does a pretty great job. But when I think of best friends, his name isn't the first one that comes to mind. That spot goes to Elizabeth.

Elizabeth has been my friend for almost two decades and has known me through all of my major life stages, from single and broke to married with babies on the way. We don't get to see enough of each other, but she's still my go-to person for advice, venting, and road tripping.

I talked to 12 other women to find out whether they consider their partner or someone else their best friend -- and how they really feel about it. 

  • Girl Time

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    "He's not my best friend. He's a much better/kinder/more thoughtful person than I am. Plus, he is a boy. Definitely need girl time instead of co-watching sports on TV." -- Sarah R., Saint Paul, Minnesota 

  • Too True

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    "I adore Michael. But I 100 percent need close female friends with whom I can bitch about Michael." -- Lynn M., Houston, Texas

  • Wish He Was

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    "He's not my best friend. I wish he was. At this point, I don't even know. There are so many things I would have done differently. So many. But, two young children and an out-of-state move, and I just don't see any way it's going to be different. I hate to admit it, but I'm over it. Some days are better than others." -- Jennifer W., Macon, Georgia

    More from CafeMomThe 8 Friends You Need in Your Life

  • You Do You

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    "My husband is not my best friend, and I don't want him to be. We admire, support, and respect each other. But we have strong friendships with others and value our independence a lot. We have a 'you do you' type of mentality. We can't be everything to each other all the time. For instance: The way he releases work stress best is golf with friends, and the way I release work stress is bitching with my favorite friends who have similar situations. For us, we have to step away from our routines with each other and benefit from other relationships." -- Virginia R., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • My Favorite

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    "He is my partner in life and love no doubt, but my best friend has been the same since middle school, and she is literally my favorite person in the world." -- Charlie F., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • Can't Be All Things

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    "I was listening to an interview with [comedian] Baron Vaughn recently and something he said -- about why he does not believe in institutional monogamy -- really spoke to me: 'Monogamy expects so much of one person.'

    "I really feel like I have to be everything to people in my family. To my husband, I am wife, best friend, sexual partner; I provide housekeeping and cooking and conversation, and it just makes me feel like I crave space so much. And from him, I expect him to be all those things, and when he lets me down in any area, I feel such disproportional disappointment. Like 'this isn't working, how are we together, why is anyone married?' When in reality, he is just failing to fulfill one of so many roles at a time. I think now, one person should not be everything. It's too much." -- Carrie N., Tucson, Arizona 

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  • Yes and No

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    "Building a life together requires a certain amount of closeness I don't have with other friends, But I have other best friends whose life experiences (being female, working in x sector, knowing me since I was 12, etc.) allow me to connect with them in a different way and allow us to support each other in ways that our partners cannot." -- Brooklyn P., Ann Arbor, Michigan

  • Maybe Someday?

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    "[My partner] isn't my best friend, but maybe someday? We simply don't have the history together that my bestie and I do. He didn't come into my life until I was 27, so a lot happened before him. My bestie and I also had our first babies six weeks apart, so even in this phase of life, being moms, we relate on a different level than my husband and I do. Maybe once the craziness of raising little kids and working opposite shifts is over? We will have more of a best friend relationship when we can look back at all of this, maybe? Retirement besties?" -- Amanda K., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • Marriage Is Different

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    "He's my person. In a lot of ways, I feel the most myself with him. But having close women friends is 100 percent necessary for me. And if someone said, 'Who's your best friend?' I definitely wouldn't name him. Marriage is different than friendship." -- Arwen M., Ann Arbor, Michigan

    More from CafeMom15 Best Places to Vacation With Your Best Friend

  • Comfort Level

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    "We have a great marriage and love spending time together, but my best friends have been in my life for much longer than he has. There are different levels of comfort with my husband and my best friends." -- Rebecca G., Cleveland, Ohio

  • Opposites Attract

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    "My husband and I are total opposites. The main thing we have in common is how much we like each other. So, I don't think he's my best friend, because he just doesn't love the stuff that brings me joy like my best friend does. She's by my side for bad reality TV, horror movies, and sushi, all the stuff he hates." -- Tami P., Phoenix, Arizona

  • Family, Not Friends

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    "I think we used to be best friends, but now we are family, and that feels different. We're in the thick of the kid zone right now, so friendship feels like a luxury we don't have time for." -- Annie P., Billings, Montana

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