11 LOL Things We've Had to Explain to Men About Being Female

Wendy Robinson | Mar 3, 2017 Love & Sex
Image: iStock.com/zusek

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The late Sally Ride is rightly famous for being the first woman in space. She also has another amazing legacy: being the person to tell the male geniuses at NASA that a woman doesn't need 100 tampons for a one-week space flight. The guys at NASA -- who were LITERALLY rocket scientists -- clearly were lacking in some basic information about some aspects of the female experience. 

So I guess it makes sense that some of the guys in my life have been just as clueless. I'm looking at you, high school boyfriend, who thought that women peed out of their vaginas and that a woman's anatomy consisted of a "front butt" and a "back butt." 

It was a good thing he was cute. 

I asked some friends to share with me about the most ridiculous thing about being a woman that they ever had to explain to a man in their life. Can I just say that it was kind of amazing how many guys apparently believe that using a breast pump is a sexy experience for a woman?

Click on for that and some other major forehead slappers! 

  • NOT Sexy


    "Why do guys think that anything involving something going in the vagina is going to feel good? No, husband, using tampons doesn't feel good. Getting a Pap smear doesn't feel good. Seriously." -- Amanda N., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • Every Time


    "I had to explain to my husband (then boyfriend) in college that woman use toilet paper every time they go to the bathroom. The conversation went like this:

    'Where's the toilet paper?'

    'You're taking a dump?'

    'No, I use toilet paper every time I go the bathroom.'


    The man has a mother and a sister." -- Tricia W., Saint Paul, Minnesota 

  • Leave the House


    "An old boyfriend didn't understand why I didn't sit around fondling my breasts all day because if he had breasts, he'd never leave the house. They must be amazed we ever get anything done." -- Melissa H., Nashville, Tennessee

    More from CafeMom: 27 Dumbest Things Dads Have Said in the Delivery Room

  • Bra Confusion


    "I had to explain why I need more than one nude-colored bra. Some other friends and I had a whole thing [about this] with the men in our lives. They don't understand taupe or skin-colored bras and they whine about their being unsexy or whatever. Are we supposed to have bras show under every shirt?? Oh, and why can't all your underthings be lacy? WTF? Let me just put this lace bra on under my smooth T-shirt." -- Nancy T., Tucson, Arizona

  • Tights Are Not Pants


    "My very smart husband can't figure out the difference between leggings and tights. We discuss leggings versus tights (regarding our daughter) almost weekly and he sent her to school in a short tunic and tights a week or so ago. A friend has the same issue and her husband sent their daughter to daycare in a T-shirt, black tights, and no undies! Hello, tiny butt cheeks!

    "My hubby is so thoroughly modern, but he needs remedial classes in girl clothes. That being said, I have distinct memories of my dad putting on my clothes backwards (Peter Pan collared shirt with buttons in front instead of back and appliqué jumper with appliqués in back) when I was in kindergarten and my mom was hospitalized. The mysteries of girlhood/womanhood have deep roots." -- Katie B., Altoona, Iowa

  • Not Natural


    "My husband doesn't get all of the maintenance required to be a woman. He loves how 'natural' and 'low maintenance' I am and seems to have ZERO clue that my hair doesn't get magically brighter every six weeks or that my eyebrows aren't actually this shape. He once asked me if I'd ever dyed my hair. Um, yep. Last week." -- Carly F., Tampa, Florida

  • Not Aroused


    "My husband asked if nursing was arousing. And didn't believe me right away when I said no (because how could the feelings NOT just be there?). And chapped nips and AN INFANT EATING scream sex, no? Why do their brains have to attach every damn THING to sex?" -- Lindsay D., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • Period Confusion


    "My husband doesn't get periods. He thought it was like turning on a sink and just poured blood for days straight. Like running water from a faucet. What??!!!

    "There was another dude I know who thought women only bled when they went to the bathroom? Like he thought we have control over when it comes out. Clueless!" -- Arnelle E., Des Moines, Iowa

    More from CafeMom: How Much Do You Know About Your Period? (TRIVIA)

  • Supersize Me?


    "Our 12-year-old had her period and needed tampons for the first time due do a swim meet. I asked my husband to pick some up at the store, which he is fine with. I guess I should have told him exactly what to buy, because he came home with a box of pads and a box of non-application super plus absorbent ones. Yeah, not exactly what a 80-pound 12-year-old would want to try for her first time with a tampon. 

    "He explained that he thought super plus sounded like a 'better value.'" -- Michelle J., Salina, Kansas

  • VPL Patrol


    "My husband is worthless at helping me determine whether there's a visible panty line and didn't know it was a thing. I'll be like, can you see where my underwear is? And he'll glance so quickly, like without even looking down. CAN YOU NOT SEE HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS?" -- Shari A., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • So Rude


    "After 10 years of marriage and several fights, he STILL doesn't understand why it pisses me off when he asks 'Are you PMSing?' when I get annoyed with him about something. First of all, I don't have PMS on a weekly basis. Second of all, DUDE, are you 14? Seriously. So rude." -- Bianca H., Saint Paul, Minnesota

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