Sexting Might Be Exactly What Your Relationship Needs -- Here's How to Try It

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No, sexting isn't just for horny teenagers. It can actually be a tool (wow, excuse THAT pun) for bringing you closer to your partner.


But you've got to do it "right" to reap that benefit. In the big scheme of things, that means your sexting needs to be MUTUAL. Don't text nasty bits if you're not really feeling it. You may end up a bundle of anxiety, not to mention resenting your partner.

But let's say you are game to send your SO something sexier than a love-eyed emoji. Tina B. Tessina, PhD, aka "Dr. Romance," a psychotherapist and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together, gives some pointers on how to make your first sext a memorable one.

1. Call up a good memory.

And by that, we mean a recent time you got it on but good. Throw out a specific detail -- "Remember when we were in the __ and you __? I got so turned on." Don't throw out the kinkiest thing you've ever heard. That's a little too much right off the bat, even for your partner who's been with you for years.

But everything you say SHOULD be positive, Tessina says -- about how much you love your partner, enjoy your partner, what feels good, what sounds good, how great you are feeling …

2. Ask them to weigh in.

So easy: "What did you like most?"

Ball in their court. Boom.

More from CafeMom: 11 Perfect Examples of Sexting Between Parents (PHOTOS)

3. Keep going.

Remember how your English teacher in high school used to scream, "More details! Show, not tell!" Same philosophy here. The catch? Do it in ONE suggestive line.

4. Don't get ahead of your partner.

"Be careful you're not just sexting by yourself. That's masturbating," notes Tessina. Keep the conversation going back and forth by saying something, then asking how your partner feels about it. "That keeps both of you involved and at similar places," she says.

5. S'okay if you don't sound like a porn star right off the bat.

They (usually) have scripts, after all. Or, well, are busy doing other things.

It takes time to figure sexting out, so if you sound like a goof the first time, try again. But maybe another day.

6. Use the sex you have IRL as a model.

Try to make your sexting as similar as possible to how you and your partner fool around at home, especially the first couple times you're typing away on your phone. "Once you're both used to sexting, then experimentation can be fun," says Tessina.

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