11 Moms Share the Surprising Ways Their Sex Lives Changed After Kids

Wendy Robinson | Dec 14, 2016 Love & Sex

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I am wildly in love with my two kids. They are funny and smart and they've made my husband and me into a solid little family unit. I have no regrets about being a mom, but sometimes I'm still a little shocked at all the parts of my life that were changed as a result of having kids. My body, my finances, my friendships, and, yes, even my sex life. Though not all of these changes are bad, sometimes the difference between before-and-after having kids is like nothing I could have ever predicted. 

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My sex life after kids is different in ways that are both good and bad. On the downside, we probably have less sex than we did in the pre-kids era and things are more rushed than they used to be. But having kids also made me comfortable with myself, which has some nice benefits in the bedroom. 

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Sex is one of those areas where it is always interesting to hear what other women's experiences are like, so I got nosy and asked some of my mom friends to spill the beans on how having kids has changed their sex lives. For those who are thinking that kids always make sex lives worse, they might be surprised at some of the responses. Read on for the candid and complicated truth about sex after kids -- these ladies reveal the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

  • Sex Isn't a Priority

    1

    "I think the biggest change for us is that sex is so LOW on our priority list. We used to have sex four or five times a week and now we maybe have sex once or twice a month. That is a big switch. But these days we'd rather get sleep than have sex. I'm hopeful maybe that gets better when we are out of the infant/baby stage." -- E.W.

  • A Surprising Benefit

    2

    "Having kids made my sex life better in one big way: Pushing babies out of my vagina has given me greater access to orgasms through penetration if I'm in the right frame of mind for them!" -- C.O.

  • Sex in 5 Minutes or Less

    3

    "We can get both of us off in five minutes or less. It's fine for now. We're both satisfied, but I miss those drunken nights of messing around and doing a little experimenting. It's hard to get into the mood when in the back of your mind you're thinking about if the kid is going to wake up. Even when we would have him at an overnight at his grandparents', I feel like we want to use that night for peace and quiet and sleep." -- M.E. 

  • What Sex Life?

    4

    "Sex life? What is this 'sex life' thing you are talking about? I don't remember when the last time we did it was." -- M.S.

    More from CafeMom: Ask Dad: Will My Sex Life Ever Be the Same After Kids?

  • Toys Make Quickies Possible

    5

    "We never used toys before kids. Now we use them and it helps make the quickies possible. I would say though that our frequency has increased because being off hormonal birth control has allowed my true libido to shine!" -- J.R. 

  • So Very Quiet

    6

    "We have to be so quiet. And we are both just so tired all the time. It's muuuuch less of an event than it used to be." -- T.W.

  • Baby Saved Our Marriage

    7

    "We basically didn't have sex for over a year and it almost made us get divorced. 

    We didn't have sex when I was pregnant and then it took us 10 months to do it after the baby was born. My husband just wasn't attracted to me, which did a major number on my self-esteem. We ended up in marriage counseling, which helped us sort out the sex issue and a bunch of other sh-t we hadn't been dealing with.

    Now we talk more and are having sex on a regular basis. I don't know if we'd have gotten here without having a kid and being determined to stick together for her sake." -- M.D.

  • Kids Made Us Creative

    8

    "We have three kids under the age of 7, so we are crazy busy and always tired. So tired.

    But we've gotten good at stealing little moments to get frisky. Last week we had a quickie in the kitchen while the kids were watching a TV show. We knew we had 20 minutes, so we just went for it! It was fun. We didn't do things like that before kids." -- I.G. 

    More from CafeMom: 15 Ways to Turn Vanilla Sex into Mind-Blowing Sex

  • No Fly Zone

    9

    "I've either been pregnant or nursing for 28 of the last 35 months. This has turned my boobs into a no fly zone. Which is a bummer, especially for my husband, who is a total breast guy. I just can't handle anyone else touching them right now." -- H.R. 

  • The Pressure Is Off

    10

    "For us, sex after our twins were born is AH-MAZING. I think this is mostly because after years of infertility and having sex on a schedule, the pressure is off. We have the kids, we are done trying, and I'm no longer on fertility meds that made me a crazy bitchy lunatic. 

    We are having sex for fun again and it is so good. I'm happy." -- P.M. 

  • One & Done

    11

    "We have one daughter and sex is actually one of the reasons, sort of, that we are a one-and-done family. 

    After she was born, our marriage went through a really rough patch. Partially this was because we weren't having sex and our overall intimacy level was way down. We got through it, but I don't want to risk it again. 

    One kid lets us get some of the focus back on our relationship and makes sure we have time for each other and for sex." -- T.Y. 

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