14 Pickup Lines So Terrible We'd Rather Die Alone

Wendy Robinson | Jul 29, 2016 Love & Sex

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It used to be that 'Hey, baby, what's your sign?' was the bottom of the barrel for pickup lines. And then the Internet, and online dating, was invented and dudes everywhere lost their minds. Now bad pickup lines are epidemic and -- shudder! -- too often come with unsolicited pictures of things you don't usually get to see until the third date. 

Thankfully, there are no naked pictures in this slideshow. Just a collection of 13 online dating pickup lines that run the gamut from pretty cheesy to just plain offensive. 

And, if by some accident, you are a guy reading this? Please consider this your list of what not to do!


Image via iStock.com/BraunS

  • 'I'm a feminist'

    Image via iStock.com/ Martin Dimitrov

    "I'm still laughing, in a horrified kind of way, about the guy who opened with, 'Do you want to go for some pie? Your treat. I'm a feminist.' 

    Um, okay. Sure. NOPE." -- Roxi P., Macon, Georgia

  • 'Like what you see?'

    Image via iStock.com/Izabela Habur

    "The WORST thing about dating is dealing with all the dudes who are just straight up sexual and graphic from the get-go. Last night I got a 'Do you like what you see?' with a d*ck picture attached. Like, for real -- I don't want to see your penis before I know what your eye color is." -- Larice R., Kansas City, Missouri

  • 'Do you have a fever?'

    Image via iStock.com/SIphotography

    "The all-time winner for cheesiest was, 'Do you have a fever or are you always that hot?'" -- Tara D., Phoenix, Arizona

    More from CafeMom: 16 Online Dating Stories So Freaky You'll Want to Quit the Internet

  • 'I'll be your slave'

    Image via iStock.com/Izabela Habur

    "I'm on a dating site for black professionals, which is why I was disgusted by the guy who sent me a message that started with 'I'll be your slave.' 

    I'm not cool with that." -- Maria K., Battle Creek, Michigan

  • 'You're like a 6 out of 10'

    Image via iStock.com/stuartmiles99

    "I swear online dating just lets people feel WAY too comfortable with being rude. And I think some guys really believe in the whole 'negging' thing. That is my only explanation for why someone would say, 'You're like a 6 out of 10 and I'm a 7 out of 10, so hit me up for the upgrade.' 

    You think I'm a 6? Whatever, asshole." -- Kristen D., Denton, Texas

  • 'If you ask nice ...'

    Image via iStock.com/DRB Images, LLC

    "Ugh. You get SO MUCH sexual stuff as pickup lines, especially if you are on Tinder. Latest one was, 'Hey, if you ask nice, I'll let you suck my d*ck!' 

    Let me? No, thank you." -- Heidi H., Des Moines, Iowa

  • Sit on my ... WHAT?!

    Image via iStock.com/BraunS

    "'Sit on my face and I'll eat my way to your heart.' EW. EWWWW." -- Missi S., Saint Paul, Minnesota

    More from CafeMom25 Weirdest & Most Hilarious Online Dating Screen Names

  • 'Next week is MLK day ...'

    Image via iStock.com/BraunS

    "I don't know if he used this line because I'm black or if it was his standard go-to, but a dude sent me a message saying, 'Next week is MLK day, let's get drunk!' 

    I don't think that is the dream MLK was preaching about." -- Claire E., Atlanta, Georgia 

  • 'Want to try it tonight?'

    Image via iStock.com/lechatnoir

    "I'm trying to imagine what it was like when this random guy sat down at his laptop (or phone or whatever) and thought that 'Do you like to have your butt licked? Want to try it tonight?' was the best way to get my attention." -- Jessica M., Miami, Florida

  • Mr. Dry Spell

    Image via iStock.com/demaerre

    "Telling someone that you are only online because you haven't had sex in 10 months isn't the most romantic way to start a relationship, in my humble opinion." -- Carrie N., Tucson, Arizona 

  • 'For you, I'd make an exception'

    Image via iStock.com/Laoshi

    "I'm still annoyed at the man who said, 'I don't normally date fatties, but for you, I'd make an exception.' Kiss my size 12 ass, dude!" -- Annie E., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • 'I have big fingers'

    Image via iStock.com/Voyagerix

    "Is 'I have big fingers' considered a pickup line?" -- Mandy B., Ames, Iowa

  • 'Are you homework?'

    Image via iStock.com/Reptile8488

    "I'll put this in the so-lame-it-is-almost-funny category: 'Are you homework? Cuz I should be doing you, but I'm not.' 

    Extra funny since I'm a teacher!" -- Sarah J., Saint Paul, Minnesota 

  • 'Did you breastfeed?'

    Image via iStock.com/huePhotography

    "It is pretty clear from my profile pictures that I'm a single mom, but that doesn't mean asking, 'So, did you breastfeed?' is a good conversation starter. #SingleMomProblems" -- Janey W., Topeka, Kansas

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