9 Sure Signs You're Definitely NOT Over Your Ex

Stephanie Booth | Jul 18, 2016 Love & Sex
9 Sure Signs You're Definitely NOT Over Your Ex

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Your relationship is over and you're SO ready to move on. Or so you say. Actually DOING so -- signing up on Tinder, agreeing to blind dates, giving your cell number to that random hot guy at the gym -- is another story.

And it may bring up some unresolved feelings you have for your ex.

Better click through these telltale signs that reveal if your heart's really into dating again -- or if you still need time to heal.



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  • You've got regrets.

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    Still thinking about what could have been/should have been if you'd stuck with your marriage? Those regrets will make it hard for you to move on, says Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, a psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia.

  • You still have feelings for your ex.

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    Here's what that looks like exactly: "You think wistfully about all the things you did together and how life will never be the same," says Coleman. "Or maybe you fantasize that he will send you a text or call you to say he misses you and wants to try again." 

  • You want every man to be like your ex.

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    Here's a glaring red flag: "You're looking for men to date that look like or remind you of your ex," Coleman says. Maybe you swipe right on a guy who shares your ex's same love of fantasy football and surfing. Or, you're attracted to guys in his same profession.

    More from CafeMom: Men vs. Women: Who Moves on Quicker After Divorce?

  • Even now, you're angry.

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    Find yourself anticipating problems with your ex that haven't even materialized yet? Expect him to behave in ways that are sure to upset you? "None of this is about him," points out Coleman. "It's about you and the residual anger you have not yet dealt with." (And how can you move on with a new guy when you're still simmering about the old?)

  • The idea of being single freaks you out.

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    It's one thing to want to date. It's another to feel desperate to find somebody else. If you can't stand being alone or are panicked that you need to find someone else before you get too old, maybe you really DO need to be single a while longer, Coleman notes.

  • You're still following your ex on Facebook.

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    And Twitter. And Instagram. "You read his posts [and his] comments on the pages of mutual friends, and note when he goes out and [with] whom," says Coleman. "You just can't help it." 


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  • You compare every man to your ex.

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    It's not JUST that you secrely compare everything another man does or says to your ex. It's that when you do so, every other guy "always comes up short," Coleman says. "And then you feel a sadness and a sense that you'll never find someone with all the good qualities he had."

  • You find yourself talking about your ex ... a lot.

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    Be honest. Do you keep bringing your ex up in conversations? Maybe you're recalling how he used to do this or that or you liked this or hated this ... Doesn't matter. "Your ex is like the third person on a date," says Coleman. That makes for some pretty crowded headspace.

  • You're not done grieving.

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    If you're living the classic signs of grief -- loss of appetite, lack of interest in things you normally enjoy, trouble sleeping, having a hard time concentrating or a sense of hopelessness about the future -- you're not relationship-ready yet, cautions Coleman.

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