19 Funny Code Words & Phrases Parents Use to Talk About Sex When the Kids Are Around

funny nicknames for sexLet's be honest: Parents often have a hard time finishing a sentence when kids are around. So it makes sense that it's nearly impossible to let your partner know you're in the mood for a little romance. That's why some moms and dads have resorted to making up some pretty hilarious code words and phrases when they want to make time for some s-e-x.


We asked the CafeMom community to share some of the funniest nicknames they've come up with to let their lover know they're ready to go.

1. "Stuff and thangs (not things -- thangs)."

2. "'Wanna have some coffee?' Followed by ... 'That was some good coffee we had earlier.'"

3. "[I] tell him I need him to help me stretch my piriformis (muscle). The only kid who buys that is the 5-year-old. The older kids have noticed that loud trance music and a locked door are required to stretch my piriformis."

4. "We call it 'smushing' from Jersey Shore. We used to watch that together when we were dating."

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5. "Time to do our taxes."

6. "My husband and I named his penis 'Woodrow.' He would say 'Woodrow is lonely!'"

7. "One of us will say, 'Hey, I need to show you something upstairs.'"

8. "Inspired by Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory, we started calling it 'coitus.' The kids have no clue what that is."

9. "We say we are going to take a 'nap,' which isn't far from the truth. We do nap afterwards."

10. "We say, 'Let's go bowling.'"

11. "'Birthday cake' is the code my husband uses."

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12. "We have a big walk-in closet where we used to sneak for a quickie. [Our daughter] tried to come in once and the door was locked and she asked what we were doing and we said, 'Cleaning the closet.' So now we will say things like, 'Wanna clean the closet?', 'Hey, it's been a while since we cleaned the closet,' or 'I had to clean the closet by myself this morning.'

13. "Studying our Bibles."

14. "'I want to be your friend.' From Everybody Loves Raymond."

15. "[My husband] will ask me if I want to go blow up a balloon with him, which started because we got a box of condoms at the store while shopping with [our son] once and he asked what they were and my husband said 'balloons,' so it stuck."

16. "Moving furniture."

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17. "Peanut butter sandwiches. As in, 'Do you feel like a peanut butter sandwich?'"

18. "My husband is Romanian so he'll say, "Hey hun, are you feeling like some Romanian sausage tonight?'"

19. "We say, 'Wanna have a picnic?' Or 'That was a good picnic.'
Because we went camping and had sex on a picnic table."


Image via VGstockstudio/Shutterstock

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