The 'Ideal' Penis Size Depends on Where You Live

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"It's not the size of the hammer, it's how you swing it." "It's not small, it's ... comfort-sized." Talking about penis size never goes out of style, right? Most men are concerned they're not big "enough" or at the very least curious as to how everyone ELSE is hanging.


So you better share this article with them, because now we've got some, uh, hard numbers.

UK health website recently did a survey of over 2,100 people around the world. Most were men, some were female. At least half were from the US. (Because you know, we Americans can't pass up a good ole penis survey!)

The results are pretty extensive.

For starters, there IS no one "ideal" penis size. It depends on where you live. But no surprise, men are -- sorry, can't resist -- harder on themselves than women.

(And just FYI, there will be far more puns, cough cough, ahead.)

Globally, women guessed the average penis length to be 13.8 cm -- just over 5.4 inches, or about the length of an iPhone 6.

Men guessed the average penis to be slightly longer -- 14.1 cm, or 5.55 inches for all us folks who never quite caught on to the metric system.

With that in mind, you won't be surprised to hear that both genders were pretty sure the ideal penis size was bigger than average. Women chose 15.8 cm. Men, a super-sized 16.6 cm or 6.5 inches.

Ever seen a Titan beetle, the giant of the insect world that can snap a pencil in half with its powerful jaws? Full-grown ones are also 6.5 inches.

But we digress.

More from The Stir: Donald Trump Has Just Been Talking About His Penis This Entire Time

Other fascinating results from Dr. Ed's survey -- besides reinforcing that men always assume bigger is better:

Austrians are overachievers. In a country-by-country comparison, Austrian respondents believed the ideal penis length to be longer than anywhere else: 17.6 cm. (Poland and Italy were not too close behind.) penis size infographic

Some European countries don't think big. Citizens of the UK had the smallest expectations -- they guessed average penis length to be 14.2 cm. Portugal and France had only slightly stiffer expectations.

Maine's tourism board might need to revive their old slogan, "The Way Life Should Be." Survey respondents from the Pine Tree State guessed the average penis length to be 16.5 cm ... and the ideal measurement to be an impressive 19.3 cm. penis size infographic

Most men are chill with the size of their penis. 44.5 percent as a matter of fact, and as men age, that number rises to 51 percent.

And despite the jokes, that's probably the most important takeaway from this survey. Because you have the body you're born with, and shouldn't you be happy with it? And if someone did a survey like this about ideal vagina size, wouldn't we all be outraged and slamming them (and ourselves) for not being more #bodypositive?

Which leads us back to the saying, "It's not the size of your hammer, but how you swing it."

Because yes.


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