9 Women on Waiting (or Not Waiting) to Have Sex Before Their Second Marriage

Wendy Robinson | Mar 9, 2016 Love & Sex

wedding familyEvery year, roughly two million women in the United States get married. It is estimated that over 15 percent of these brides are taking their second trip down the aisle. And given that these second-time brides aren't wearing white as a sign of virginity, you might assume that none of them are waiting for the wedding night to have sex. And you'd be wrong.

We talked to some women who are happily married for the second time and found that their feelings on sex before marriage are more complicated than you might expect. From pregnant brides to abstinent fiancées, we're intrigued by the diversity of responses to the question of getting lucky before getting hitched.

Check out the surprising insights about sex the second time around.

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  • Waiting, Again


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    "I was a virgin when I got married the first time because it felt like an important part of my Christian faith. I always assumed my first husband would be my one and only sexual partner and I was happy about that.

    "Sadly, I was widowed after only being married for four years. A few years later I met my new husband at a church function. We fell in love and decided to get married pretty quickly. We also agreed to wait until marriage to make love. Even though it wasn't about virginity, it was still a part of my faith that you don't have sex outside of marriage. And I'm glad I stuck by that. It made the honeymoon fun!" -- D.S.

  • Everything but...


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    "My husband and I decided to wait for marriage for full-on sex. We wanted to make that special for the honeymoon. But we had oral and did other things beforehand. Hey, we're grown-ups now. Sex can still be special even if you've had orgasms together before." -- P.N.

  • Here Comes the Bride -- and Baby!


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    "Ha! No, I definitely didn't wait until marriage this time. I actually was a virgin for my first wedding, but after my divorce, I knew I wanted to have a baby. I was 39 when I met Tom, and I knew time wasn't on my side. We decided to start trying to get pregnant about six months before the wedding, in case it took a while. Surprisingly, I got pregnant right away, so I was a visibly pregnant bride at the wedding." -- H.G.

  • The Role Model


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    "The whole having sex before marriage thing felt kind of complicated before I got remarried. On the one hand, I think it is fine for adults who love each other to have sex. On the other hand, I have a teenage daughter and I wanted to make sure I was sending her the right messages about sex. I ended up deciding that we'd have no sleepovers or sex at my house but we'd enjoy each other at his apartment. I don't really have a good rationale for this, but it felt comfortable for me." -- D.D.

    More from The Stir: 10 Things to Love About Second Marriages

  • Sex Is Important


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    "I was a virgin when I got married the first time, and that ended up being, in hindsight, a huge mistake. It turns out that my ex and I were not sexually compatible. I just assumed we would be if we loved each other enough. Wrong.

    "After we split, I vowed I wouldn't marry someone without knowing for sure that we were on the same page when it comes to sex." -- N.B.

  • Impatient Fiancée


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    "I'm actually getting married again in three weeks and I. CAN'T. WAIT.

    "We haven't had sex yet and I'm dying. I didn't wait for marriage the first time around, so this is new (and frustrating!) to me. But my soon-to-be hubby is a pastor and feels like he needs to set a good example. I respect that, but am dying to get his pants off. Overshare?" -- W.S.

  • Don't Tell My Dad


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    "Good Lord, no! We didn't wait. Are you kidding?

    "But don't tell my dad. I think he still thinks I'm the virgin he walked down the aisle the first time around." -- S.F.

  • No Rush the First Time


    Image via iStock.com/FilippoBacci

    "The first time I got married, to a man, I was a virgin and I felt like it wasn't that hard to wait until marriage for sex. It turns out that I'm gay, which is probably why I wasn't rushing into sex with my then-husband. I'm married to a wonderful woman now, and I'm not sure if we waited or not. If you think of sex as only the penis-in-vagina model, I guess you could say we are still waiting!" -- J.D.

  • Burned Before


    Image via iStock.com/BraunS

    "I didn't wait for sex before my first marriage and I think it burned me. I think we had crazy-good sexual chemistry and it blinded me to the fact that we were not really that good a fit for each other.

    "When I fell in love with my now-husband, I decided no sex! I wanted to make sure we were emotionally, spiritually, and financially compatible first. Now we're married and the sex part is great. No regrets on waiting, even though our friends thought it was weird." -- E.J.

    More from The Stir: 10 Things I'll Do Differently in My Second Marriage

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