If You're Looking for Long-Lasting Love, Pick a Guy With This Trait

humble guy

It's not a six-pack. Or a six-figure bank account. It's not even big hands! Nope, if you want a happy relationship that lasts, you need to look for a guy who is ... humble.

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Hear that, nice guys? You really do finish first. Although apparently, you'll never admit it and that's why we love you.

According to the Washington Post, "humility" is a new hot topic of research. And what's being uncovered should make us all take a second look at this personality trait -- especially because humble men are more likely to have lasting, fulfilling relationships.

Now before you start thinking of, say, Walter White during the first episode of Breaking Bad -- passive to the point of being a doormat -- let us explain.

Humility is not to be confused with timidity, insecurity, and/or lack of assertiveness, clarifies Toni Coleman, LCSW, CMC, a psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia.

"If a man is truly humble, he is most likely confident and comfortable in his own skin, does not see himself as better than others, can defer to the wisdom and contributions of those around him, and is usually a good listener who is open to feedback and new ideas," Coleman explains.

Research shows that these qualities work together to create a partner who is willing to commit to a relationship, is more likely to forgive a transgression (always a plus in a marriage), and has strong enough self-esteem that he doesn't crumble under your occasional PMS-induced thoughtless remark.

No wonder people who are with a humble partner consider themselves pretty darn happy.

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True, humble guys can have a downside.

If your man's humility isn't balanced with the ability to push back and take charge when he needs to, says Coleman, you'll end up with a partner who lacks assertion.

What that looks like: He's always deferring to others, is reluctant to take the lead or share firm opinions of his own, and never strives to make changes or better himself, Coleman says. In other words, he veers from "humble" into the stereotypical "nice guy."

And that is the doormat you originally called to mind.

"Women, like men, appreciate a challenge and some pushback," says Coleman. "This [much] passivity is a turn-off to the vast majority of women out there."

So we should all order some humble pie. Got it. But if humility is such a powerful trait to look for in a man, why does our culture seem so besotted with megalomaniacs and narcissists?

Because they kinda have qualities we're turned on by, too.

These men -- let's called them Kanye Wests or Donald Trumps -- "are strong, assertive, intense," says Coleman. "Translation: never boring. And they take charge. Women are biologically wired to be attracted to men like this. It goes back to our early beginnings when the survival of the female and her offspring was determined by the abilities of the male she was with."

Controlling, insecure, jealous, or even abusive men can posses these traits, too. And unfortunately, "women often mistake them as strength," Coleman notes.

But the real hero we should all be appreciating, apparently, is truly the strong, silent type.

 

 

Image via Prezoom.nl/Shutterstock

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