What No One Told Me About Marriage -- but I Sure Wish They Had (PHOTOS)

Wendy Robinson | Oct 20, 2015 Love & Sex

couple on dockEvery year just over two million optimistic couples marry. They stand in front of their friends and family (or maybe just Elvis in Vegas -- no judgment) and promise to love, honor, and cherish each other. Although planning a wedding can be a lot of work, most married couples soon discover that the real work happens after you say your vows and you begin the process of learning to live with the one you love.

No matter how long you know your partner before you get hitched, chances are there will be things you discover after you're married that might throw you for a loop. Read on to learn the things that other women, both happily married and not-so-happily married, wish someone had told them about married life before they said "I do."

 

Image ©AleksandarNakic/iStock

  • Mad Love

    1

    "That you can madly love someone AND think they are a total a**hole in the same day. Same hour, even." -- Britt K., Gowen, Michigan

  • Trapped

    2

    "That even if you've been with someone for 10 years, the second you sign that piece of paper, every argument or twinge of anger for the first year or so might make you feel like a trapped animal." -- Rachel B., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • The Work

    3

    "...that marriage takes constant maintenance, and marriage counseling is good whether or not things are going well. It's great to have in place for times of transition (and it feels like a date once you have kids ... )" -- Jenn R., Tucson, Arizona

  • What Fun?

    4

    "I wish I had known how easy it was to fall out of the habit of having fun. We used to do things like go on bike rides or hike or hang out at bookstores, and now we barely ever go out of the house together. Kids entered the picture and now it feels like we are business partners, not hot and heavy love birds." -- Name withheld

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  • Oh, Baby!

    5

    "I feel like my husband and I had reasonable expectations going in and we are in a good place. But I suppose the most difficult things we have had to overcome is the ebb and flow of marriage once children enter the picture. I hadn't realized how much such a joyful experience can lead to such stress. But now, three kids in, I feel like we have a better understanding and less of a feeling that we won't or can't make it. We have confidence that we can make it even when the going gets rough." -- Melissa H., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • In-Law Issues

    6

    "That the marriage would be easy compared to dealing with in-laws. I am very close with my family so I was at max capacity, and [my in-laws'] expectations of spending time together and 'bonding' was overwhelming and frustrating. There was also a forced feeling to it. Like I was supposed to suddenly love these people like my own family. Something like that takes time -- at least for me." -- Amy C., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • Death Sentence

    7

    "I wish someone had told me that marriage is not a death sentence. If it really isn't working, you can get a divorce and you are not a failure as a person if you do. I think my ex and I stayed together way longer than we should have out of sheer stubbornness." -- Jennifer C., Buffalo, New York

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  • Better in Bed

    8

    "Nobody told me that sex could get better, but it does! Even after babies." -- Rachel J., Fresno, California

  • Mind Not Read

    9

    "Marriage does not mean that you suddenly can read each other's minds. I know that sounds obvious, but it's not. I really bought into the fantasy that we would be so in sync that we didn't need to talk. If I needed help, he would see it and help me.

    "So when that didn't happen, I got mad. How can you not see that I'm struggling to make dinner and help with homework and nurse the baby? Why are you such an insensitive boob?

    "And then I realized that if I said, 'I'm swamped. Can you help with homework?' he always did so, willingly. Because he wants me to be happy. He just needs me to tell him what I need." -- Marta S., Saint Paul, Minnesota

  • Change Is Okay

    10

    "That change isn't always bad. When things change (career/job, kids, goals, health issues), it can feel like -- This is NOT what I signed up for! And yet sometimes it's better than you expected/anticipated -- or even just different than you expected and it's okay." -- Ellen F., Austin, Texas

  • The Question

    11

    "Nobody tells you that the second you get married, you stop getting asked 'When are you getting married?' and start getting asked, 'When are you having kids?'

    "I felt like we had to hide at family parties to avoid the question! Please stop asking, people. It is NONE of your business!" -- Shelli L., Boulder, Colorado

  • Compassion

    12

    "That marriage goes from passion to compassion and that is normal and okay. It would have saved my first marriage." -- Karey M., Saint Paul, Minnesota

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