Mindy Kaling's Afraid It Might Be Too Late to Find Love at Her Age

mindy kalingIn her charming new memoir Why Not Me?, actress, writer, and director Mindy Kaling confesses that she's afraid of being 36 years old and feeling left behind as all her girlfriends get married and she remains single. She also admits to lying awake at night and wondering, "What if my kids are really young when I die because I waited too long to have them?"

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Perhaps it is her candor and relentless honesty that makes her so relatable. I know I've had similar fears.

After spending many restless nights wondering when it would be my turn, I finally got married at the age of 33. Want to know what happened next? All that time and energy I spent longing for a husband got transferred to a new longing for something else.

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I longed to write a book like my other writer friends who were getting book deals. I longed to have enough money to buy a home in Southern California where my husband and I rent a tiny apartment.

One of my favorite authors, Shauna Niequist, put it this way:

I have always, essentially, been waiting . . . In college, the post-college 'adult' person was looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person. Then the person I'd become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that's when life will really begin. And through all that waiting, here I am. . . I don't want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day.

Longing is just a part of being human, but, it's what we do with those longings that counts.

I am learning each day to use my longings as a compass to guide me toward the things I am hoping for. It's natural to long for marriage and children, and it can be hard not to get discouraged in the midst of it, with a million factors we cannot control, like fertility rates and diminishing pools of available men.

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Just know that you aren't alone in this. Every wife, mother, and career maven longs for something, and once she gets it, she starts to hope for something else. And that's okay.

If nothing else, it makes life more interesting and challenges us to see beyond the longing and find gratitude for what we already have -- and what could be in store if we only keep believing and don't give up.

 

Image via Splash News

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