The Ultimate Guide to Worrying About Your Husband Cheating With the Nanny

Tabloids claim Ben Affleck did it. Gavin Rossdale may have done it, too. The treasured tradition of bonking the nanny lives on in the lives of celebrities and us regular folk, too. But worry not! The New York Post is here with tips on how to keep your man from having sex with the nanny.

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The helpful article includes suggestions like the following:

  1. Install nanny cams around the home, except don't tell your husband, because who needs trust?
  2. Discuss a dress code with your nanny before she shows up in hot pants and a bustier. One expert recommends chinos and a button-down. You may want to specify tapered, pleated chinos and a loosely fitted shirt buttoned all the way up to the neck.
  3. Stalk your potential nanny on social media to make sure she's not posting fish-lips bikini selfies. Also make sure your husband isn't already following her Instagram account. Are those boobs even real or is it just that she's young?
  4. Trust your instincts. You know, that paranoid voice inside your head that makes you panic over everything?

    Strangely, they left out this important tip:

  5. Don't marry a jerk who can't be trusted alone with an attractive female and his own penis for more than five minutes.

Honestly, I can't decide who the Post's article insults most: wives, husbands, or women who work in childcare. 

More from The Stir: New Details of Ben Affleck’s Alleged Affair With the Nanny Are What Cheating Clichés Are Made Of

I mean, fine, I'll grant that it could make many moms feel a little insecure to have a particularly attractive and unattached female working in your intimate space. I can see how that kind of sets her up as a foil for the real wife, you. Her body hasn't been stretched out from babies, her relationship with your husband is unmarred by any long-standing grudges or tensions.

But if you don't trust your husband with an attractive babysitter, that says a lot more about your relationship with each other than it does about her. What about all the years you've put in together? Have you built nothing in all this time? And is his middle-aged libido even up for such extracurricular activities?

What makes you think your husband is such a catch for an ambitious, 36-23-36 mechanical engineering major anyway? 

Not to mention, the hot sitter is just the "devil you know." What about the smokin' new intern at your husband's office? Or the dishy new account manager? It sure would be a lot more convenient for him to nail one of them, especially since they're not right under your nose.

Look, you can't control all of the temptations coming into your lives. You just can't. At some point you have to trust each other. Or not! Maybe your marriage is hanging by a thread and you've reached a point of desperation where you'd rather not invite more husband bait into the house. In that case I have one more suggestion.

Hire a really hot male babysitter.

 

image via Pressmaster/shutterstock

 

 

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