Crushing on Someone Other Than Your Spouse Could Save Your Marriage

Ladies, your all-consuming crush on Channing Tatum, Christian Grey, or even That Guy You Saw on the Elevator This Morning poses absolutely no threat to your marriage whatsoever. In fact, your passionate secret crush could actually be good for your relationship.


A group of scientists studied women's crushes for people outside their primary relationships and published the results in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. They had 160 women answer open-ended questions about crushes in an anonymous Internet-based survey. Here's what they learned.

  1. About 70 percent of women said they have crushes on people outside their primary relationship. And we have different kinds of crushes. (But you knew that already.)
  2. We also have "diverse strategies for managing" those crushes. Crushes are something you have to manage, ladies! You can't just flip open a magazine, see a photo of Taye Diggs, and yell out OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN PLEASE SAVE ME NOW!
  3. Most women say their crushes don't impact their relationship. Well of course not, especially if it's a celeb crush. But even if it's on another guy (or woman) in real life, I think we all know that it's fun to crush on someone without actually doing anything about it.

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  4. Some women even said their crushes "improved their desire for their partner." The study authors say this likely because women "funneled increased sexual desire from a crush into their primary relationship." Um, is someone picturing Daniel Craig while they make love to their husband? Which brings us to another interesting finding.
  5. Most women do not communicate with their partners about their crushes. Interesting -- that's probably a wise strategy. See above re: managing crushes. How do we feel about our husbands and boyfriends talking about their crushes? Do we even want to know they have any?

It's funny that women don't talk about their crushes. I can understand if it's the guy next door. But what about celeb crushes? My boyfriend and I joke about ours all the time. I know a lot of couples have "celeb cheating exceptions" -- people they're allowed to cheat with should the opportunity ever present itself ... a safe bet since it's usually an extremely remote possibility.

I can see how talking about your crushes could crank up the sexual energy in a couple so long as you're both very secure in that relationship, though. Otherwise, I guess we're quietly suggesting yet another pre-bedtime screening of Casino Royale. For no particular reason.


Image via LDprod/Shutterstock


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